Silver Plate
by geraldineamoeba
Summary: 'If a heart could have form inside a body, it would be in your shape.' Akira is in love with an older woman; to him age means nothing. His desire is recognition as a man; secretly Jun does. Will some intoxicating research and a deal with Isshiki reveal truths? Or will things blowup at Totsuki if director Azami discovers the experiment and that Jun’s cooking again? Akira x Jun AU
1. Chapter 1

1

You were everything to me, from the very moment you reached down your hand, and I extended mine up to grasp it, you became my soul.

My little wrist, bony and fragile, suddenly felt warmth in your humble grip. A tug for help up off the muddy ground inside the wrecked hut I shivered in, with strength not too tight as if to pull me along without a choice, and not too loose as if to tell me I didn't matter.

As fingers slid into mine, and I felt what it finally meant to have someone care, the murky darkness that loomed over me from being abandoned, with only one smile, you shattered that world, and birthed me into a new one.

My wings spread wide.

* * *

Years past, and like a swift wind, I found myself aside you. Your beautiful long hair always in my sight; I had memorized every inch of who you were. That down-to-earth, shy person I came to realize, did not allow me to walk in shadow, but instead welcomed me as an equal force.

We researched together; my talent never ignored. You didn't put yourself above me, and I returned by never putting myself above you.

Freshly fourteen, I overheard you. A man had come to the run-down research lab that we called home. He was from the academy.

Hiding behind the door, I was so unsure of what was happening, startled to see another person. We don't often have visitors.

Not letting you sign the papers for me to attend Totsuki High until you answered his questions, he'd cornered you verbally, and I could tell through the crack in the threshold that you were on-edge, trapped.

I wished in that moment that I could have saved you, for I know how much you hate being put on the spot. But, I couldn't. This man was important, and it involved my future.

Watching your face change, my chest was in my throat as you spoke. Feeling my face go numb, I realized: You felt the same way about me that I felt about you.

It didn't hurt at all to hear the words, instead it shook my foundation.

You voiced you were no mother, a sister, or even a mentor, only a friend.

But, what made me run away was when you started to cry, something I have never been able to bear. You told him you didn't want to tell me what to do, that you felt you were forcing me to be your assistant.

I went to lie on the grassy hill outside, and there I let my thoughts wander. I told myself the truth: That you were wrong Jun, so wrong.

I'm with you, because we share common interests. I assist you because I care about our research.

It's not obligation, rather, its adoration.

You would never make me do something I'd never want, and for that, I'd never force you into anything either.

* * *

When I was fifteen, that's when I started carrying you in my arms.

I had gotten stronger; I'd taken an interest in lifting and running, and for good cause, because I just couldn't take it any longer.

You have such a terrible habit of overworking yourself, stuff strung out over the floor, and are always asleep in the middle of all of it. I know that you were there for hours while I was at school, studying, trying to draw lines between this spice and that history.

Even though petite, the first time, it was hard for me. You were heavy, but as I packed you up the stairs, and I felt you curl into my chest, exhausted, that feeling alone spurred me forward to want to do it more.

Once I took off your glasses, and put shaggy bangs behind your ear, you smiled sweet, rolling over to let those brown eyes drift off into a dreamy abyss.

You knew it was me that had brought you to your soft bed.

You trusted me, and so I trusted you.

From then on, I vowed to be the only person who would do this for you. I pursued, wildly chased harder workouts, so when those days came and went, I could lift you with ease.

* * *

At the tournament finale, Ryo and Soma were tough competition, but I knew you were watching from the sidelines, and that granted me strength.

And so, I won.

Hayama Akira was announced loud, I launched a fist in the air, and I saw you jump up from your seat to sprint out onto the stage, eyes welled with crystal tears.

I was so unable to manage; your image always moving me. We were the best pair.

At sixteen, I'd prevailed for you, the head director rejoicing that my dish was the one that had the most depth, that mine was the one that showed the most purpose.

It was because that plate represented our unique relationship, so overbearingly, that as you were telling me how happy that you were, how proud, that I couldn't help but grab you up suddenly.

Taller than you, my right hand went around your waist. It shot a bit too low, and my left one; across your back to steady your pounding chest.

My inspiration, for a few seconds, I let myself delve in its richness, to feel you in front of everyone.

The crowd response was a shocked exasperation, and going from relaxed to tight, you shouted: 'Huh? What gives Hayama-Kun!'

I had no choice except to let go. I'd gotten carried away hugging my muse, my artistic expression in cooking.

Even as one of the pre-lim's judges tasted my food, and after, begged me seductively to come away with her, boasting she'd compensate me the highest wage, instead of accepting, I bent down and gave her a piece of my mind, finding her offer grotesque: 'No.' I said concise and resolute. 'I fight for Jun.'

My win left me understanding.

I was in love.

Who my existence pulsed for, who lit it alive, was you.

No woman could ever do for me what you had done, and what you continue to do to me.

If a heart could have form inside a body, it would be in your shape.

* * *

My only want is for you acknowledge me as a man. Not as a child.

Then maybe you'll truly see 'me'.

I am no longer your Hayama-Kun. Patiently, I wait for your lips to say 'Akira'.

Time cannot phase my racing breath, even with twelve years between us, I do not care. All I consider is letting myself remain quiet, until I can know if you feel anything for me.

I will never force your hand.

Even if rejected, I will let it be, because I cherish you to a depth where your happiness is more important than my own selfish desires.

But for now, my jealousy runs free, only because I see you as mine, until the day you tell me to my face that you're not.

Until then, I'll come to visit you up on this mountain. I'll hide away with you.

And, even if you don't feel the same, I'd still beg you to let me stay.

I'll battle for this position aside you, for as long as I am alive.

But, how better it'd be if you were to love me.


	2. Chapter 2

2 (Akira's POV)

She was there at the garden table, and I watched her. Like normal, I could feel that rush in my veins, the one I was so used warming me. A vision she was, cloaked in the sunlit day, so studiously working on a new project, which she wouldn't tell me anything about for some reason.

I had no idea why.

"Hayama-Kun, can you come here a sec?"

I sat my book down, not letting another moment slip by that I could be in her presence. I stood behind her, put my chin on her head, like I always did, like I always had since I've been taller than her. Now I had five inches on her, seventeen, my hair longer. Leaner.

People often mistook me for the older one.

"Come'on! Quit that!" A revolt.

I chuckled. She always hated it. But somehow, I always felt that really, she probably didn't. I knew, because of that silly smirk she'd give.

Withdrawing to sit aside her instead, she turned a book my direction, on it sat a notepad with scribbled lines. Her penmanship was always so awful, tale-tale of a person whose mind thought faster than they could write.

"I need your advice." She put a knuckle to her lip, her ponytail swishing back. Her voice sounded concerned. "I really do."

"What is it?" My eyebrows furrowed, something was off. Instantly I reached out and grabbed for the material. Upon reading, my concern started to deepen. It brought about this intense anxiety. "Jun. Are you sure about this?"

"Well, eh. No, not really." She fummed.

This proposal, it was just too much. "This is interesting, but it's a mess." I had to be blunt with her. I wouldn't be a good partner if I wasn't. I was more the caretaker, she was more the brains.

Without each other, the entire operation would crumble. We depended on one another. I watered the plants, because she'd always forget. I was in the greenhouse more often, and she would be the one laid out all over the floor, the coffee table, the couch, nose deep into stuff, bookworm. No tool went unused.

We even had a public argument about it last year.

She'd slapped me for something I can't remember and told me I was being rude, and it had knocked me so hard, and I was so surprised that I plummeted to the ground. She then repeated to me, saying she was my mother, when I knew she didn't feel that way about me, and went on to say I needed discipline.

I openly mouthed off, flat out disagreeing with her, and I went on to say that I kept her head on straight, and she went on to contradict herself.

And that's how I knew that she knew I was right.

Since then, we've accepted things this way. Or at least she finally has.

She still hated it when I called her Jun though. But, that's her name. Just like how mine is Akira.

"It'll make me a mess for awhile." She took a pun towards my previous sentence. I know she was just trying to lighten the mood.

"If you do it." I concluded. 'Please don't do it Jun. Please.' My mind begged. I didn't want to see her like that. Not that it would tarnish my image of her at all, but instead that it would drive me mad.

If I had any intent of keeping how I felt to myself... her cheeks rosy, eyes falling, heavy breathing.

"I'LL DO IT!" She suddenly slammed up, short but ferocious as a bulldog.

Shocked, I had no idea what even just happened! My green eyes shined at her ambition, but clouded with internal panic. Was I really going to see her in a way I never had?

"I've already bought six, uh no, seven! And, I have been seeping spices in them for weeks!" She nearly screamed turning pages, coming to stand aside. Somehow now excited. Like she was just holding out to see if I was in some disagreeable mood or something.

Our heads were at the same height at the table. It made me melt. Her face, so close. If only.

"And I did a cinnamon one, and a clove one." She continued to babble on.

"So. You've already made your mind up then." Typical Jun. I knew it. You couldn't hide it from me. As soon as she scooted those notes over, I knew what she had up her sleeve, and once Jun's mind was made up, she'd hop right over that edge. I assumed automatically that she had already started prep work, and was just hiding them. "So. Where are they?" It came out kind of bland, knowing.

She may not like getting put on the spot by people, but I put her on the spot, and for good reason, to keep her head nailed down. I don't think she takes it as me belittling her, it's not meant to be like that.

(Jun knew that meant, Hayama-Kun sometimes, knew her so well. It meant he accepted it.)

"In a bin out back. It's got to seep in average temperatures. With it being rainy season, the outside weather is perfect!" She clapped her hands together like a girl his age. "I just have a favor to ask of you."

"Hn?" I turned my head, anything I could offer, I'd do, especially in this. You may of annoyed me with suddenly going gung-ho on this, but you are too precious to me.

"Keep me in check Hayama-Kun." She put a hand on his shoulder, an odd look on her face. "Don't let me get too rambunctious."

He put his hand on hers to pat it, wishing he could just hold it instead.

"You're rambunctious already, but fine, I promise." I wanted my smile to permeate within you. For you know, I'd never let you do this alone, and that was when it dawned on me suddenly. "Why don't I too?"

"What?" She said blank, brown eyes enlarging. "You... you can't."

"Why?" But, I already knew. "Because I'm seventeen and your twenty-nine?" I tended to be a bit to biting and sarcastic at times, and this was one she hated.

"Bleh! Do you have to say it all flat like that?"

I laughed. Only she could make me laugh. It was so fun to tease her.

"But yes, and you have school?"

"Then on weekends only." I pushed.

"I can't allow that. You've got to look after me, remember?" Jun pondered.

When we went back and forth like this it usually ended in her giving in, in some way or another. I couldn't help but want what I wanted. "I'm your research partner."

"You're in still high school."

"You've already said that angle. I'm the one with the sense of smell that can lead this project." She always let me go back and forth with her like this, the ship rocking.

It was just how we were together.

"I'm the one with the knowledge of how to even make the stuff!" She stood kind of huffy.

She knew exactly what I was doing. And she was fighting for her resolve. Always cute when she would occasionally come out of that shell of insecurity she had around her and lash out. "I'm the one whose from India. Wouldn't that have any bearing?"

"Bearing?! I've studied these plants for years, plus our country's laws don't allow it!" She put up a firm index finger.

"All the way up on this mountain even?" I gave her a smile.

"Hayama-Kun." She didn't even look at me.

It strangely hurt a bit. I reached over to her chin to tilt it up to have her face me. It was brave of me to touch her so, it was just one finger to gently turn, but I could not fathom having the one that held my heart disapprove so sternly. "Look at me." It came off a bit demanding, but I was purely feeling that way, with this situation, my feelings were strong.

She was speechless, but let her eyes rise. They looked bewildered, cheeks puffed. Odd. I, was I mistaken? Is that blushing?

"Please." I begged. Everything around me suddenly faded and my only focus was her shiny eyes which seemed like they were beginning to tear. "Please tell me what's so wrong with it? Is it that you personally don't want me to? Or is it something else?" I just had to know, and I couldn't let her do it alone. I just couldn't.

"Uh." That was all that came out of her mouth. Silence.

I'll try something else.

"What's the deadline?" I let go of her chin, and she retracted. I could tell, maybe it was just my sudden touch that had thrown her off course, just like at the tournament?

That hug, even though she melted into me, and I had felt her body, she suddenly snapped out of it at the sound of hundreds of intakes of air from the crowd.

"Two months from now."

"And how many again?"

"Uh." She brought a finger to lip again. "Seven, Hayama-Kun."

I stood, putting my hand on the outdoor table. Resolute. "That isn't possible with one person!" I got loud. She was always so bad at planning! That was why I did it all! I took care of the appointments, scheduling meetings, aside from the greenhouse. "That's too much alcohol." I huffed, unbelievable. "You're so small, you're probably a lightweight."

"And how exactly do you know that?" She smacked my side with a book.

Feisty, little but feisty. I liked that.

"Ow!" I chuckled. "It's just an assumption." It was all I could get out, that book had kind of hurt.

She grr'ed, and I straightened up, but with a hand up in case she randomly decided to do it again. "The size of typical bottle would have you drinking seven days a week, two months straight just for research, that's unhealthy."

"Uh!" She pounded back down in her chair. "Why am I always so bad at setting up this crap?" Taking her glasses off, she rubbed her eyes.

I knew I had her now. "I have no idea. I'm pretty much your walking daily planner." And she did, she smacked me with that small little reference book again, and I just laughed. I'm not as composed around her as I am around everyone else. Nobody has even heard me laugh except her, I think.

"Fine." She threw her hands up, the book dropping to the table. "You will not tell a soul!" She grabbed my collar and tugged, her hands wrapping around it's edge, crumbling my school uniform.

What a little brat. I'm sure she thought of me the same. I smirked, and she let go.

"Friday and Saturday night then? One bottle each weekend." I opened the itinerary I usually had with me in my pocket for her and began to write it out. "Then what do we do after?"

"Well, my plan was to see if the spices inside the liquor effect the taste of three star and above dishes."

She went on, and I, of course, intently was taken with her creative mind.

"When I went to dine with the executives at Totsuki a few weeks back, the annual research dinner, I noticed that all my peers were drinking flavored liquor. I just thought that was such a true thing for most formal dining experiences I've ever had, and when I thought back on it, there wasn't a single time I can think of where I hadn't seen spiced liquor being served at the tables."

"Mhm?" I continued, taking my hair out of it's low ponytail, to smooth it down and tie it back again. She watched.

I've always craved that attention, one of the things she always seemed awed by was me messing with my white hair, she'd even brush my long bangs behind my ears every once in awhile with her fingertips. It left me fizzling for her touch more, every time.

Of course, I had always touched her hair. It was a simple gesture at first to put her bangs behind her ears, but for me now it had moved into something more without her knowledge.

She cleared her throat, and continued. "Yes! And even so, I began to notice that some of them were acting like the dish they ordered was not good. I had ordered the same thing as one of the northern researchers that was sitting at my table, and he'd been drinking, and I hadn't been."

I knew she didn't drink at all actually. That was why this project was so suddenly brash to me.

"He openly said he thought it was too sour. I thought it was the opposite, that it had a good spice set, and that the chicken was cooked well. That's when an idea sparked in my head. What if drinking alcohol with too much spice in it, has a huge effect on how textures feel on the palette, but also change the way primary spices and broths taste in dishes so extremely... that it's like eating a whole different plate?"

I nodded, it was all I could do. It was an interesting theory, and I guess, we'd be figuring it out soon enough in this research lab that I got on The Council of Ten for.

Mostly an upgrade from to the same building we'd had before.

Never had I turned my back on her; they'd blackmailed me. And as much as anyone else thinks I've abandoned Shiomi Research, I haven't. I couldn't. This just proves it. Jun needs me around, and she knows it.

I'm just gone so often with The Ten needing me on main campus, that it looks like I have given up on her. I even speak that I have, as to dissuade the new director. For he told me if I didn't commit fully to the cause then Jun would be shut down.

He was fully supportive of her patent, but at rash causes. It was at the cost of me serving him, a cost I was willing to bear.

All for her.

I don't see Jun for five days straight now. Only on the weekends am I allowed to visit under that tryannical rule.

And it looks like what were going to be doing the next few months... is this.

There won't be many moments with her where she won't be 'out of it' and me also.

Maybe what I need are some times like this with all this shit going on.

I hate being used, and being ruled has made me so much more callous, but it's mostly a ploy so that they don't see through me. But they did force me to throw my cinnamon sticks away, the director knowing they calmed me.

I didn't like that.

The weekends are the only time when I can walk myself back down to earth, to be softer.

Soft with Jun. Where she'd feed me cinnamon and help me relax.

Perhaps even more softer with the upcoming research project?

My heart swelled. I wouldn't expect anything, of course, but if she just simply hugged me once on her own... then I'd be happy.

I really would be.


	3. Chapter 3

3 (Akira's POV)

"Hey uh, Isshiki-Kun." Jun spoke kind of weirdly on the phone to one of the former Ten, because now Akira was one and everyone knew they associated together, and that made her nervous that she would be looked down upon, since most of the people she still primarily liked were opposed and fighting that power.

I listened intently. What exactly was she up to?

"So look, I uh, well Hayama-Kun and I have this research project going on, and we need someone to cook us fresh dinners both Friday and Saturday night."

"Ohhh? What type do research project?" I could clearly hear him say through the phone as plain as day.

"Jun!" I rebelled, not wanting her to say anything. If word got out to the new director I'm not sure what'd happen to her lab, well, our lab, if I wasn't the obedient lap dog he wanted me to be.

I was supposed to the be the one 'directing' the research, as if I was over her, her boss, that was part of the deal as well, but I couldn't do it.

We're partners. We've always been partners.

"Don't call me Jun!"

She looked to me weirdly, an awkward expression, knowing how I felt and her knowing I knew how she felt, she suddenly didn't know what to say, with Isshiki on the line (who had heard me), who suddenly blurted, "Hi Akira!"

I just grumbled at his informality. He was also too joyous all the time! Now if only she would call me that. Either Hayama or Hayama-Kun it was all I heard escape her.

I got whispery scooting over by her on the couch, running fingers through my hair while she watched me do it. "Are you sure? I mean, are you sure that we can trust him?"

She put her hand over he mic on the cellphone and looked at me whispering back. "Well, I sure as crap can't cook while consuming alcohol, what about you?"

That really wasn't an answer to my question, I sat back lounging. My leg over the other. I always sat cross-legged for some reason, it was comfortable.

"No... I don't think." I've never drank, so I had no idea.

"Plus, these Polar Star dorm people are eccentric, they'll get it?"

She seemed unsure, so I was unsure.

But what else was I going to do? Let her drink all of it and I be the one cooking? No.

And the fact I can only be here Friday nights after school, Saturday and Sunday all day?

Sadly and stupidly, we needed the help.

I nodded to concur. 'Yeh.' They all were quite strange, Isshiki at the top of my list. At least this specific upperclassman I know had done favors for Jun before.

"Hello Jun Senpai?" Ishiki randomly said on the phone.

"Yeh! I'm here! Sorry about that!" She shouted rather loud. Accidental of course.

Instantly I was red in the face. That idiot was just pushing my buttons by not giving me an honorific and then giving her one!

(Had she known Isshiki actually did hold his phone away from his ear on his end, she would fallen into one of her normal 'apologizing profusely' fits.)

"So uh, here's the deal. You can't tell anybody anything! Do I have your word?"

"You know it!" The upperclassman's voice was too positive. "You've helped me out in too many ways."

I leaned in closer to her, fully intent on listening to every word this nut said.

It was true Jun had. It kind of put grit under my seat when that guy was around though. Not that he wasn't decent to be around, but as far as decently dressed, now that was another story. What made me so upset is I swore I caught Jun staring at him once, but honestly he wore so little clothes... so were other people.

I've always wondered if it was for attention or maybe he just hated clothes? I wasnt sure.

Jun was already knees deep in explaining. "So, that's it. And, I need you to cook dinner for us both Friday and Saturday for the next seven weekend nights. Would that be okay? I will have the flavor sets planned out for the appetizers and the main, so you can cook whatever dishes, as long as they fall in line with all the herbs we are testing with whatever spiced alcohol. You promise you won't say anything?"

"I'm not sayin' anything! Look, we have what we call 'rice juice' over here, and we party sometimes. Our dorm mother doesn't care. And our parties are actual parties, not what you guys are doing, which is real research. You're secrets safe with me, as long as you don't alert the school board or the director we have alcohol in our dorm."

I heard all of that. How could I not? Ishiki's voice was barreling through the phone. Really? They drank over there? I had no idea. So that meant what? That they all did? Even Soma and Megumi? What an utter surprise.

But wait, if they were already, then what was I doing? I didn't hang out with them, and being the 9th seat on the council of Ten, I highly doubt they wanted anything to do with me anyway.

"But there are a few weekends where I won't be able to, I'm sure I can find someone trusted over here that can keep a secret to go over there and cook for your guys."

"Great!" Jun exasperated.

"What?" I barged.

"Oh Akira!" Ishiki heard me, and even though Jun still held the phone she put it on speaker now. "Yeh sorry! There's a few weekends I can't! But no matter, I'm sure Soma will be over! Or someone! Soma's been babbling on about a Food War with you since you landed on the council."

Landed. Quite the opposite. "Since when do you speak so uncaring about it?!" I bursted.

Jun elbowed me in the side hard enough that it took the wind out of my sails and made me cough.

"That's fine! Not to the Food War! But if it's Soma, it's fine, or whoever!" Jun bailed me out of my own mood.

Surely Ishiki feels tension that I'm on the Ten right? I did it for purely unselfish matters, but nobody knows that, unless he does only by assumption.

I regained my composure, but my rib hurt. She actually hit really hard.

But point was, it was apparent I'd do anything for Jun. Even if my room remained empty here Monday through Thursday (only able to sleep on my actual bed three nights a week), it was obvious, if people knew how close we were, which most didn't, that what I did was for her.

Maybe just maybe he did know that.

"Okay great that sett..."

"Wait a sec there!" Ishiki laughed. "This one's for Hayama!"

"What?" I said bland. What the hell could he possibly want out of me?

"Jun Senpai! You owe me for this!" He suddenly said to her. "You guys have to help me in return. This is going to be so silly of me to ask!"

I rolled my eyes, here we go. What the hell did he want out of us now, particularly me in return for fourteen dinners?

"Well, I've been kind of short on money since I've been out of the Ten, we got compensated there."

Which I knew full well. Yes, I was being paid.

"So uh. I had to get a job. And well, I kind of had to figure out something I'd like to do, and I seen this posting and I just went for it! You know?"

Jun mumbled an excited 'Mhmm mhmm!'.

"Get on with it idiot!"

Jun elbowed me again.

"Ow Jun!"

"Don't call me Jun!"

"Haha! You guys! It's so funny!" He laughed stupidly on the phone. "That's why it's so perfect!"

I didn't get it, she legitmately disliked it when I called her by her name. We weren't teasing each other in that second. Isshiki has no idea though.

"So, I got a job as a pastor!"

My face fell white, and I saw my research partner's face, her's white too, eyes big. "Huh? Wha?" She said sputtering, like it was unbelievable.

Unbelievably stupid was more like it.

"So?" I just wanted this to be over.

"So, I specialize in foreign marriages! But the problem is, I can't work on job until I practice the ceremonies and get them down pat! There's an influx of different cultures moving to Japan and they don't want Shinto or Christian weddings!"

"Wait Wait Wait. I know where you're going with this and I'm telling you right now that..."

He cut me off.

"That's right! Indian weddings! I need practice! You're Indian! Help me out!"

"That's racist! I mean why don't you get someone else! Marry Soma and Megumi would you?!"

My chest was beating so fast I felt on the edge of an explosion. I was already yelling.

"It's not real!" Isshiki mewled.

"I know that!" I growled back. It not being real was the problem! Oh man, how I wanted it to be.

No doubt this would be horrible for my heart.

Marrying Jun, even if fake, I don't think that'd be something I could do without thinking it as real.

"But you are the only person I know that partially speaks Farsi!"

"I don't partially speak it! I do speak it!"

"Oh fantastic then it's set then?!" He seemed over ecstatic. "You and Jun huh? Great! Thank you!"

"I didn't! What?!"

Jun shushed me. And I launched myself up off the couch and walked outside.

Somehow anger overtook me, I wanted to punch something. Isshiki in the face would be nice. My emotions were being toyed with, little did the mouse-brown haired guy on the phone know.

Damn it! Jun would just agree as always and I'd have no choice except to do it.

'Oh god.'

Seeing her like that. How traditional was it going to be? Even if not real, Indian weddings are so beautiful. I remembered being in awe as an abandoned little boy, the celebration was town wide, and I'd peep through the cracks of the marriage hall where they took place.

Her just being completely covered in flowers.

Every second of that, their fragrant blossoms perfectly picked and pieced through her long hair. Thier smell so delicate and sweet as I'd have to put rose petals over her body, then hold her hand, us both with natural henna, mandalas of the sun and the moon. I the moon. She my sun. Both of us coming together to make one world.

My head was so fuzzy I had to sit.

Jun was inside agreeing already. I heard her babble that she'd do anything to help, and it'd be fun to do a mock one for his experience's sake.

Mock. Fake. Faux. That was what it'd be... to her.

It ached me to listen to that word. I had no religion, but seeing her in my home country's ceremonial dress and spirits.

How I wanted so terribly to see her like that on an actual real wedding day.

Whether me or... I gulped in my throat swallowing nothing but spit.

How I could be good for her.

How I already am good for her.

I just wanted her. All to myself.

I could say that inside my head for now. It was selfish, but as I'd come to think, until the day that she tells me that she isn't mine...

That'd have to be the day I would have to stop.

But would I be too far at that point?

I just wasn't sure.


	4. Chapter 4

4 (Jun's POV)

Hayama-Kun was always so stubborn and rude. I don't know why he disagreed so adamantly about Isshiki needing help.

I wanted to ask him why, but alas, he'd left already and I wouldn't see him again until Friday night. The Ten stayed in the mansion on campus through the week, how weird. Like a jail.

How I hated the shit out of that.

I hope this ceremony help wasn't something dealing with his religion. But I didn't think he had one. I certainly don't, so I wasn't opposed.

I probably shouldn't of pushed this on him, but Isshiki agreed to help with these dinners and there were so many of them, so it was only natural, in my opinion, that we give in and give him some aid.

Plus, it would be fun. Like a little party or something. I never go out, I thought of it as something different to do. With a bunch of high schoolers though...

I seriously am such an idiot whenever I think of it that way. But I was the one that chose to stay at Totsuki after graduating and become a research scientist, knowing I'd be surrounded by high school students year after year.

At least up on this mountain I never get many visitors. Saves the anxiety on my part of chit chatting with them, I have no idea what to even talk to them about.

There's a few acceptions. Megumi. Isshiki. Soma. That's all, they're decent and pretty easy going, even if Soma is the son of the upper classman that teased that crap out me when I was a freshman at Totsuki!

That Jaichiro! He always got on my nerves! Making me eat his gross new creations!

Cotton candy squid made me sick for a week!

And his son's just the same I hear!

He had Soma really on early on in life, I did the math once already. Jaichiro a senior when I was a first year, by my own deduction, had him when he was 15 almost 16, but aw well, you live and you learn.

Same with the director and Erina.

At the time, none of us had any idea either of them had children and were still in high school.

Viewed by the public as irresponsible that's probably why it was kept so quiet!

But, family talk aside, Isshiki getting a job doing that? Doing something that pertains to how families start? Of all things! It's kind of sweet! Isshiki is a tad weird, I admit that, but the guy has a soft heart.

Well, maybe Friday I'll ask Hayama. Or maybe I won't. Maybe I shouldn't. If it's personal and stuff, then maybe I shouldn't, especially if it's about his past.

"So lonely." I was in the greenhouse watering the plants. I was trying to be more pertinent about it since he was gone more. I hadn't forgotten yet. "Whew." I spoke to myself, or to the plants, I guess. "How the hell do you water all this stuff?"

I knew I had started talking to myself more. Without him around, it was quiet. I didn't see it as a bad habit, but more so just a way to entertain myself.

"It's because you're taller than me. You can reach! I need a step-ladder for everything! Curse my short parents!"

I was done for now though. I really needed to sit down. I worked out through the week, but geez. Up and down a ladder like that takes it out of a person!

'For sure.' Hayama-Kun is better suited for this than me.

I groaned sitting down on the bench in the greenhouse. It was a stone one. I opened my bottle of water taking a quick chug.

"Ah. So much better." I looked around. All the spice plants were so pretty.

I remembered once when I'd spied Hayama in here, it was last year.

He was watering the plants like normal, but it was about a week after he'd hugged me at the tournament. He was almost 16 then, and I'd let my guard down. And I swore... but certainly not. Probably not...

But I remember... He grabbed kind of low, but I think he was just so happy he'd won he wasn't paying attention!

But it's crazy that he's 17 now.

"Can't believe it. Time flies so fast when your having' fun, hmm Hayama?" I said plain to the plants. They were the only ones here.

I seen him in here, that's right. It was a year ago. How could I forget? I had no explaination for what I saw, except to describe it as 'beautiful'.

He had his shirt off.

And...

I felt my face flushing. "Grr! Jun!" I rubbed my cheeks. "What am I thinking right now!" I took a quick secondary chug of my water, slamming the bottle down.

I wanted to say to myself that I was stupid for thinking on that. But I just couldn't.

I could call it out and tell myself to shut up, but my brain wouldn't mentally shut that image out.

I didn't want it too.

He wasn't Hayama-Kun anymore after I'd seen him like that. Kun was just a formality, I've always called him that, but something told me that he wasn't that name anymore.

The old director, when he came and spoke with me about him entering high school here at Totsuki, I'd expressed that I was worried I was taking advantage of him.

But he assured me that he wouldn't be here if he didn't want to be.

And he assured me of another thing, as I found myself stuttering on trying to 'classify' our relationship: 'Well, Jun, someday he will become a man. You are aware of that, and you'll have to figure out what the relationship is. The only reason I ask is because you're his legal guardian, but he's done some great research projects with you, very impressive!'

"I only became your legal guardian because if I didn't, you'd be sent back to India, even though your the lightest skinned Indian person I'd ever seen." I just babbled my thoughts out, no harm in the moment I guess. "Makes me think that maybe you aren't one-hundred percent Indian, but how would I know. You don't even know, do you?"

The director. He was so right.

I shivered, shaking my head.

I felt bad for stopping and staring a year ago, but I was so struck, I was frozen. The director's words tuning through my mind as I let my eyes graze over his light tan skin.

When did he start working out? I hadn't the slightest. His whole upper body was so lean, as always, but he was entirely ripped with muscle.

His long white hair, so unique to him, pulled back in that pony tail, those long bangs that drive me nuts when they hang down.

I viewed him.

"Is it my fault that I felt like I'd gotten slapped?" I chided on, my chest starting to breath heavy. "It was like boom!"

I motioned my hands as an explosion. I was such a little kid sometimes. Ha, I liked that about myself though, one philosophy I held onto was to never grow up too much, unless you had to.

"I looked at him. He was touching lavender. And I watched him pick a peice and put it behind his ear."

I touched the holy basil plant sitting next to me.

He had used some in one of the pre-lims. Too smart, and a quick learner he was.

"It was bright and sunny and his green eyes looked so peaceful. He had no idea I was even there." I sighed, putting my chin on my fist, elbow on a side table. "He is now a man, isn't he?" I spoke to the basil plant, picking up it's pot and setting it in my lap.

I gently touched the leaves. We were both responsible for being able to grow holy basil in Japan. It was a warmer climate plant, and we'd figured out a way.

Together.

"He's been here growing you this whole time. And here I am now, just sitting here with you. It's strange. Isn't it? His absence..." I started to tear up, and sniffled. "It creates such an empty space inside me."

I was true. I had no idea what to do.

They took him. He'd accepted it, but slowly, compared to that moment of peacefulness with lavender in his hair, calm eyes, to now.

"Every Friday he comes back so angry. It's what they're doing to him. And he never talks about it." My tear fell on the plants leaves. "Oop." I wiped it off. The salt from my tears would kill the plant off.

I still held the potted plant but straightened up, more less so I could just sit and cry.

"I'm so torn up. That image." I looked across to where I'd seen him standing. It was a little further down, right where the large area of purple lavender was. "I don't want that to be the last content image of Hayama I have in my mind as I've come to realize that now that he's come to be man."

I cried harder. Damn it. I just couldn't help it!

"Please. Please." I mourned so hard now that my heart felt like it was tearing. "Don't let Hayama turn into a callous man! He's worked too hard, he's done too many great things! Please!"

I couldn't control myself.

"Please just! Let this research we're doing help him relax! It's stupid! I know! I should of said no!" I put the plant down rashly. "But I need his nose! He's right! We're partners! And what's so wrong with a partner wanting the other after week after horrible week to want to have a weekend of freedom, no matter what it entails?"

I attempted to calm myself. I was just screaming at the basil that surrounded me now, like some kind of nut job.

"Deep breaths. Everything is fine." I took in three and let them go. "He's always been independent. Even at eight when I first signed those papers..." I took in air, let it out. "it was already like I was speaking to an adult once he'd finally learned enough Japanese."

I chugged some water.

"And here I am. I told myself I'd never drink again. But this project was too worthwhile to pass on. I'm just so lucky I have someone who cares about me enough to do this with me. We have all this high-tech equipment now, and I have a patent."

My tears were slowing but my heart didn't feel any better.

"But what about what you want Hayama-Kun?" I sighed. "When will it be that you'll ever tell me what you want? I never have any idea at all." I breathed in a few, standing, ready to leave. I really needed a nap. This crying was taking it out of me also.

"I just want you to be happy instead of being sad." I talked and walked, since I'd been watering them more, I'd began to realize I liked running my fingers over the plants, feeling the textures as I walked out.

"And here I am, getting all blushed like a moron when you used your finger to turn my chin. It's because now that I see you as a man, I just have no idea how to respond to stuff like that."

It's true. As a child he'd do it occasionally to get my attention, and I'd just laugh it off, a bossy brat he was.

But he does the same stuff now. It's my mind that's changed that makes me react like that, and I have zero gumption to want to tell him to stop because that would openly express that perhaps I don't want to be touched in that sort of way. Plus, it might give away that I see him different.

Which I don't want.

That starts questions which would shoot my anxiety through the roof.

Also, it's not like it's bad or anything, those little touches, him brushing my bangs around, I don't mind that he does that, because he always has, just like his chin on top of my head.

I don't mind that either really to be honest. I always smirk back to him, so he knows I don't actually care.

My hands brushed over the plants, I was almost out of the hot greenhouse.

"My head hurts." I opened the door and shut it behind me, in the main part of the house finally. The air conditioning hit me. "I just want Hayama to be a good man. To have a good heart. And to make his own choices. And I want to sacrifice something for him every once in awhile too. He does so much for me."

Then without foresight, a realization smacked me right across the face, which made me put a hand on the back of the couch where he'd been sitting while I was on the phone with Isshiki prior.

"You always sacrifice it all for me don't you?" My brown hair, I brushed it back, my ponytail had gotten so long.

It was such a gentlemanly thing to do.

So, it wasn't just physical appearance. It was how he was. Even though being in the Ten makes him callous, I had to remember.

He was sacrificing himself... for me.

"Since when did you become this, and I've never noticed?" I sat down now.

I sighed.

"Just relax on these weekend adventures. Okay? Let loose." I spoke like I was speaking to him. If only he was here.

Rain started to pound down on the window. I gave into his wants on this.

So, all I could hope was that he could just let it go for awhile to ease some tension. It wasn't the best medicine, but they throw away his cinnamon sticks that I give him.

He told me just to stop giving them to him. They're for his heart. The aroma always made him smile.

I wanted more of that smile. Was that selfish of me? I wasn't sure.

"I'm lonely without you Hayama. Someday, I hope I can set you free of the choice that you made to save me and my dreams." A small tear fell down my face and I could feel it land on my knee, as I was wearing shorts. "I saved you once from India. I'd save you again. I just don't know how."

I'd save you over and over Hayama.

Over and over.

All to see you standing there again with you unknowing I'm watching. Gentle. Quiet. Mist green eyes placid.

Truly. You deserve to be that way. The rest of your life.


	5. Chapter 5

5 (Akira's POV)

The bed in this mansion was so comfortable, but I wasn't in bed. I was looking at pictures of Jun and I was on my phone sitting in the window seat cross-legged like I've always done since I was a kid.

It might look odd if someone else was to see me sitting this way, but I didn't care right now. The window was open and the breeze from the rain was cooling my skin. I hadn't taken my uniform off yet, just unbuttoned the top four buttons on my white collared shirt.

Today was a pain in the ass. I had to teach classes on how to make curry a specific way. It wasn't even my way, or how I liked to make it. But like a robot, I was forced to use that pre-set recipe.

All day I was in that classroom. I had taught the same dish to 8 classes, all in shifts like slaves.

The Polar Star dorm people were mixed in intermittently through out. Not one spoke to me.

I swore I seen Soma give me a few looks though. He was surprisingly quiet. One thing I learned was he never kept his mouth shut, so it was odd when he wasn't speaking.

I wondered about that. Had Isshiki said something to them about what Jun and I were up to? Only time would tell.

Jun may trust them, trust Isshiki, but I just wasn't sure if I did. If I could.

I looked up the mountain and far off I could see one tiny dot of light, on the complete other side of campus.

It was the faint outside pole light to the research facility where I knew Jun was, perhaps asleep. Perhaps not. I wanted to give in and text her, but it was late, one in the morning, and I didn't want her to think that something was wrong and make her worry, even though everything was wrong.

I shouldn't be here in this mansion, in this room.

This is not my life.

I know this isn't where I belong. I belonged with her.

But I'd given it all up for your sake. Haven't I?

I wonder what she thought of that. Surely me sacrificing myself was sign of how deeply in love I was, unless she didn't take it that way.

My thoughts scanned back to that fake ceremony we'd eventually have to help Isshiki out for practice, thinking upon our relationship, how fitting I was beginning to see it.

Every evening like the moon, I would set, and every dawn she would rise. I would sacrifice myself over and over just like the moon ending it's reign over the sky, only for the sun to lift me and save me from it all.

I always sacrificed, Jun always saved.

It was an endless bond we had to one another.

A perfectly balanced Yin and Yang.

She brought the light and I brought the darkness, I brought the rain and she parted the clouds.

How hard it was for me to think this, to realize this, to know this, when I was stuck in what I was stuck in.

Marriage. I'd thought on it. I had started thinking on it last year, not necessarily with Jun in mind at that point.

Was that normal for someone my age to think about? And a man albeit? I know girls were always running around thinking that stuff, but none of the guys around me were.

We all went to Totsuki too, girls and guys alike here all had ambition, and even though the girls here I'd overhear talking about marriage, it was all after they'd opened their restaurant, become an established chef, or some other personal goal.

Jun was already there. She was doing her dream right now.

And how similarly my aromatic cooking skill aligned with her already established dream, my olfactory sense to our research.

It wasn't that I was morphing or skewing my ambitions to align with her either. I had decided that yes, I'd be a chef, a culinary artist, but I didn't want to leave this part of the country.

And I enjoyed researching with her. I'd even considered being a scientist instead, but that would take me away from cooking more, which I wouldn't like.

But I couldn't imagine living anywhere else except at that facility.

The actual 'house' part of it was like a suite in a luxury penthouse now. The new director had updated it so grandly, and so quick.

It'd only taken a few weeks.

How she deserved to live in something so lovely. She of all people, someone so humble, considerate, kind, smart and loyal.

She was loyal to me, I was loyal to her.

I go with the tide that Jun walks on, our footprints always in that sand together.

"I would always be with you, if you were mine." I mumbled to the mountain, already I was always with her. I moved my eyes again to the horizon to that pole light.

Always. Even if I wasn't physically there, my mind set to doing tasks here, my spirit was there.

I stopped on a recent picture of us. She'd got a quick impromptu snap.

As always, I'd put my chin on her head and she'd belly ached about it, but I didn't move away that quick, and she suddenly turned on her phone's camera and snapped one, saying that we hadn't had a picture together in awhile.

It was true we hadn't. So, I had her send it to me.

In the photo, I was hugging her from behind, my arms wrapped around her thin waist, my chin on top of her head, and the photo was snapped just as I had started to laugh at her for telling me to 'Get off!' but in it she was smirking.

"You really don't hate that do you?" I whispered like I was talking to her, except quiet, as everyone in the mansion was asleep, and on both sides of my bedroom walls were two other rooms housing other Ten members.

There was no way I'd want them to know what I was doing right now.

We looked so happy, we really were.

I wanted to send it to her.

But, what would I say?

I put the photo from my portfolio on my phone in the message section.

We didn't really type or call a lot did we? We'd texted earlier about the reseach project, and I quickly erased it out of my phone's storage so as not to be traced.

But as far as 'just talking', that didn't happen a lot.

Still I thought, how I wanted to tell her that I missed her. Surely she missed me too.

We felt similar things sometimes, and I had been around her so long I could read the emotions in her eyes.

In this photo, she was happy and looking a bit mischievous. Little devil. I smirked letting some air of my nose, she makes me snort like that whenever I see that in her, because she's challenging me.

I liked it when she did. Always keeping me on my toes, even though she always was the one that breaks first.

I began to type below the photo. 'I wish I was here.' But I quickly erased it. Then I typed. 'I'm missing you.' But I erased that also.

I settled on deleting the picture out, and typing, 'I'm getting ready for bed.' And I sent it.

How lame, but I couldn't push it. I wouldn't force my feelings on her, but I could at least remind her that I was here, thinking about her.

Surprisingly, I heard a buzz. Quick too! Sure enough, I touched the screen and it was her.

"Me too!" It said. A picture of her face with a peace symbol up.

I quietly chuckled. She had her toothbrush in her mouth, but her hair was down and brushed. It was so long and pretty.

I felt my breath in my throat. What was she still doing up? So curious about her all the time I was.

Maybe I should send her a picture of myself? She'd sent one. Maybe we should start communicating more in the form of photography, not just bland words, simple sans serif fonts on a screen.

I craved it. I hungered for that place and for her. If it was the only way I could see home then?

Turning my phone's cam I snapped a quick one of myself. It looked dark, but I could see my eyes, I was sort of disheveled but I'd already told her I was going to bed. My hair, it was a mess.

I captioned it. 'I can see the pole light from here.'

There was no reply for a few minutes, then my phone buzzed again. She snapped a photo of the outside, she had been standing on the awning.

And what was circled with the drawing pen was a red light. Underneath it, it said, "That's where you are!"

I poked my head out the window then, and sure enough, a bright red light was a night time pole light on the terrace where Erina's room was.

I took a picture and sent it back. 'This one?' I texted.

She sent back just a plain text this time. 'That's it. I look at it every night.'

Suddenly, I realized something that made my breath stagger: She looks at it, to find me. To find where I am.

I hope not in motherly way, I had no idea of knowing. But just thinking on it in the way that I wanted it to be, I had began to pant.

No matter, she misses me.

She misses me enough that she and I were doing the same thing without previously knowing we were.

Again, sometimes we thought so similarly.

I began to type into my screen, maybe I should say something a bit more. I can be sweet to her still, that I will always be, but only when it's just us around.

And right now, like gravity she pulls me in, this conversation, it is just us talking.

Actually 'talking'. Which I wanted.

I typed. 'Thank you for thinking of me.' It came off plain. I instead wanted to say something else, but that was what I sent instead.

I wanted to be deeper, but I just couldn't.


	6. Chapter 6

6 (Jun's POV)

"Thank you for thinking of me." I read out loud from my phone. I shut out the downstairs light and walked up the stairs to my room crawling into bed.

Why I'd stayed up so late working on this new project's details I'd never know. I always got so distracted, which was why Hayama picked me up and carried me to bed sometimes. Only the times though when I'd stretch myself too far and find myself passing out in the middle of all of it. It was weird, I'd always been like that, as soon as I started feeling tired, I could fall asleep so fast.

"How do I respond to that?" I said aloud, looking out the window. I could see the stars through the light drizzle. The clouds weren't that heavy.

I was kind of struck, it sounded so bland. I was unhappy suddenly. What were they doing to him over there?

Where was his passion? Where had it gone?

The feeling of that text was plain. Like almost no thought was put into it.

I texted back. My head raced. I wanted to draw out some deep fervor in him, I wanted to get a feel of that through this conversation.

Conversation. We never talked. Not a whole lot, even less now that he was being forced to live up there.

And that photo he sent. He looked exhausted.

And his shirt was... it was unbuttoned.

"Ah Jun. I'm so stupid." I rubbed my temple, saving the photo in my phone inside of a different folder. A separate one.

That image of him with the lavender was still in my head. I had only a few photos I could look at that reminded me of that, but this photo...

"What am I even thinking?" I put my phone on my chest. "It doesn't remind me of that day at all."

I was beginning to notice a little lying on my part in regards to why I saved it.

I cursed at myself, rolling my head and phone up so I could peek at it again. I sighed, putting it back down.

Now that he was a man, any girl would find that attractive. I had no idea why he didn't date, I always figured because he was just too driven to care.

I just wanted him to enjoy the rest of his high school life. I certainly didn't enjoy the last third of mine, I just didn't want him to experience what I'd experienced.

But nobody would, probably. What happened to me was horrifying.

I went back to the messaging screen. I wanted to try to get something out of him. Anything. I typed. 'I always am thinking.'

I sent it. That implied literally something and nothing at the same time. I shook my head, plopping my arms down while I was in bed.

A buzz. I turned it. 'I know.' Was all it said.

I typed. 'Can I ask you something mildly inappropriate?' I just had to ask. I couldn't be quiet about it.

There was no response for a few minutes.

(Jun had no idea this set Hayama into a fit of heavy breathing where his mind kept focusing on the word 'inappropriate'.)

'Sure.' Was all the next message from him said.

I wanted so badly to pull an emotion out of him. Just anything, so much that I resorted to asking a question that I shouldn't ask.

Truth was he wasn't enjoying high school. Being on the Ten sucked for him, it was eating him alive. And even though he never spoke about it, I could tell.

'Answer it truthfully?' I texted. I changed my tone to a ping right quick, so I could close my eyes and still hear it to answer.

Ping.

I got comfortable in bed before I looked at it.

'Always with you.' It said. That sent a chill through me, made me feel that I was reserved to some special place that he had. One where he put me in special regard.

He better tell me the damn truth. I partially raised him, but kind of not really as he was so independent.

'Did I offend you with Isshiki-Kun?' Please tell me Hayama-Kun. I got up enough courage to ask. Something wasn't setting well and I knew what'd settle me down would be apologizing and just trying to understand.

There was no response for a few.

Ping. I lazily launched my arm over to look at the screen. 'No.' It said.

'You just left so suddenly.' I sent.

(Hayama on his end was blushing in bed in the dark, down to boxer briefs, wondering how she'd gotten enough gumption to straight ask.)

Ping a few minutes later. 'It's something else. I don't feel up to talking about it.'

I sighed. Typical. He never shares anything deeply personal with me! It was slight annoying.

Alright. 'I'm always here if you need to talk.' I sent.

A ping a minute later. 'I know.'

Maybe this texting, maybe it'd be a way for me to be a little more straight with him. My social anxiety usually keeps me pretty apologetic and shaky, and I always cave to him when we 'mock' argue.

We never actually argue. He kind of gets loud, but we never ever full-on argue. When we do seem like we're arguing, it's kind of playing around. Even when I'd slapped him once, after, we were yelling at each other, but it was weird how I knew it wasn't even arguing.

It's just the look in his eyes. They're too soft towards me for me to believe he's actually truly feeling cruelty towards me.

'Then why don't you?' Should I send it? I scanned every corner and edge of my room with my eyes in the dark before I pressed send.

The response took ten minutes. It was pulling closer to two in the morning.

'I can't.' It said.

(Hayama in his room was about to have a fit. Not a childish one, but one that involved him leaving the mansion which wasn't allowed through the week and driving up the mountain to see her. It was so strong he was pacing his room.)

'Why?' I sent. He can't? Why can't he? Is it not allowed? I wanted to know. Why'd his text take so long? What the hell?

I did send a second one. 'I'm sorry if it's too much.'

Ping. 'Go to bed Jun. Some other time.'

I quickly texted back. 'Don't call me Jun.'

Ping. 'Why not? That's your name.'

(Now he was on the upswing of the conversation, sitting on the edge of his bed, she'd been prying which was unlike her, so he felt like he deserved to be a bit prying too.)

'It's complicated.' I typed. Sent. It truly was. Complicated. My thoughts of what the previous director said filtered into my brain on him being a man.

At first, it was because I felt it was inappropriate that an 8 year old wasn't properly addressing me with formality. But, as he'd learned Japanese more, that didn't improve, he still just called me Jun.

But now as things went along, and he was grown?

The director told me one day he'd be a man and I'd have to decide what the relationship was.

Whatever did he mean by that? Questionable.

Since the day I saw him with the lavender behind his ear, me grumbling on not to call me Jun wasn't an adolescent bother anymore that someone younger than me wasn't addressing me as an adult, what my grumbling became was frustration.

I was frustrated when he called me Jun.

I would always think of him as an equal. But how far of an equal did he assert himself to be towards me? Was it that he was so easy with me that he could just call me by my first name with no formality?

And now that he's man, and he's still only calling me Jun... What does that imply? It's viewed by Japanese society different.

When a boy doesn't call an adult a formal, they're rude and need better manners, but when an adult calls another adult their name without a formality, that implies that they know each well.

And that raises questions of 'how well exactly?'

Ping. It shook me from the thought. 'Complicated?' The next text said.

(His heart was pounding. Complicated? He wanted an answer. This was more than consuming for him.)

'I'm just going through some stuff.' I texted back. I didn't want to fill him in on my personal confusion, especially when it was about him. That was the last thing he needed.

But, I did feel it was unfair of me to not express things to him, because wouldn't that make him so much more quick to shut down towards me? And not want to tell me anything either?

(Hayama sighed in his room before he sent his last message. He felt shut down.)

Ping. I opened it.

'So am I. I'm going to bed. Goodnight.'

I already knew he was. That was how this whole conversation started.

Hayama was going through some stuff. I wished I could help. But looks like neither of us were bending to each other's will on it.

I wonder if we ever would. I couldn't tell him about what's going on in my head.

I was even beginning to think I was maybe crazy.

'Goodnight Akira.' I didn't send it. I just looked at it. I erased out Akira and put Hayama. Sent it.

Because what did that mean once I started calling him by his first name like he already called me?

Did it, or would it mean anything at all?

It would mean that we were really on a level playing field with how we addressed each other.

I had so much running through my head. I rolled over in my soft sheets.

"Akira." I said slow, soft, quiet. Just letting the words slightly roll off my tongue. It felt odd. I never said it. My mouth made shapes for a word it normally didn't say.

I sighed. "Saying your first name." I spoke into the darkness. "That'd openly in itself admit how I view you now, but also what would that say to everyone around us?"

I was stuck in a weird void where I was on papers his mentor.

As an 8 year old, me being his mentor looked normal.

As a 17 year old, me being his mentor looked not normal.

And why?

Because! He looked older than me. His appearance was so physically adult, he was put together, he dressed nicely, his hair was nice, he was fit, tall. He had a clean, white smile.

I dressed pretty tomboy. Jeans, tees, sneakers. Glasses. I was short, petite. And even though I worked out, I had social anxiety which kept me from conversing with people.

It was all from the last third of my high school days here at Totsuki, up until I'd left for India pretty much.

India was to get out. To get away. And what had happened?

I found Hayama-Kun.

I felt so odd about addressing myself to reseach scientists as his mentor, because everyone would think he was older than me, that I just stopped doing it.

Honestly to save embarrassment of them finding out I was actually older than him, and them just being like 'huh?'

Shit my anxiety ruled me at times.

"I have to go to sleep." I rubbed my temples. I looked at my phone again.

We wouldn't talk again for a few days. I texted right quick to him, 'I'll see you Friday.' And sent it.

(Hayama wasn't asleep, but laying in bed staring at the ceiling when he got that text. He didn't respond back.)

I thought before passing out, maybe I should try to dress a little better, not enough to change myself completely, I liked my laid back clothing, but enough to maybe where I looked?

Just different?

Then maybe people wouldn't think of me as so young?

Should I go shopping this week?

Maybe I should. I'm overdue.

Maybe I should pull some of the clothes I used to wear out that are in the back of my closet.

I used to be really stylish when I was in high school.

If I just hadn't if met one person, then I wouldn't be the way I am now.

"You make me want to start over, and just forget that part of my life even happened."

That was the last mumble sentence before I passed out.

Hayama being an adult, I'd have to stack up to that somehow.

But suddenly I came to realize he made me want to do better for myself.


	7. Chapter 7

7 (Akira's POV)

It was Friday, and what a shitty week it had been.

I had packed my dirty clothing in my duffel (as I did my laundry back at the facility), and walked out my room door, shutting it and locking it. Leaving out of that mansion, I spoke to no soul and hopped on my moped, latching in my helmet with the huge star on it.

I couldn't wait to have a vehicle. I could get my license when I turned eighteen. I'd get rid of my moped and buy a car and take Jun for rides.

I knew she had a license, but she took transits.

Almost there. The freshness of the rain filtered into my nose and the leaves were all over the road.

On my way to see the person I cared about the most.

It wasn't about the building being 'home' as much as it was her. The facility could burn down, but as long as I had Jun, I was home.

As long as I could hold her sometimes.

I smiled and let out a chuckle. Wind against my face, my bangs flying around.

Yes. I'd hug her today. I'd have to put my foot down and to do it like I did at the tournament.

I never did, not from the front, body to body.

Really, we lacked physical contact. Even family hugged more than we did.

Something pounded inside me. Maybe that was something. We touched so little, except when I'd put my chin on her occasionally and hug her up from behind, and she'd complain.

If we didn't touch that much, maybe that meant that she didn't view us as family.

Good. I'm not upset about that. I didn't want her to. I wanted her to see me as a potential partner first.

And not a research partner. I meant a partner, a mate.

Mate. That word coursed through my blood, and sent massive shivers through me as a gust of wind hit me making me that much chillier.

My stomach felt hot, and I felt my abdomen get tight. I pressed down on the gas.

Faster. I wanted to go faster.

So feral that word, and what it presumed.

How I liked it.

I will claim her until she tells me no.

The driveway to the facility came fast, and when I pulled in, I just stopped, turning off the key.

I had to breath. I'd just been flooring this thing as fast as it could go, and along with the thoughts running wild in my head, my adrenaline was pounding.

Plus, tonight what we were doing, it put even more rash thoughts inside my mind.

"Just breath." I whispered to myself walking up the the entryway. "I have to keep it together." Nobody takes me this high, like Jun does.

She makes my heart race.

I put another key in a lock, the one to the back door. I had left as early as I could, much earlier than normal, I was ahead of schedule by 2 hours, about 4 o'clock.

The last class I had to teach was rashly cancelled due to an oven fire. That guy got expelled.

It was my duty as a member of the Ten.

It made me feel disgusting that I had to do it.

I pointed at him, and with a blank, evil glare that I knew I had on my face (one that wasn't real of course), I flatly said the word: "Expelled."

The guy's eyes widened and he looked white as a ghost. Obviously taking what I said with 100% truth.

It shouldn't be up to me, that decision, but that was how much power we had, and I was only the 9th seat.

I heard some noise. It was Jun talking. But she wasn't talking to anyone, it was just her mumbling around.

She was usually incredibly quiet when she was alone.

I was so curious. 'What the hell?'

I creeped around the corner to the inner area, I had wanted to surprise her, but I first was interested in what was going on.

Looking across the open living room, I'd snuck up along the wall in the hallway next to the kitchen. It was a good area to stand if you didn't want to be seen and that was exactly what I wanted.

As soon as I looked though, I wished I hadn't because my eyes expanded and I couldn't peel them away.

Above the living room area, up the stairs, in her room, the one with the ceiling to floor inner windows, (it was meant to be an office, but she took all the desks out and made it her bedroom), she was up there.

And she wasn't 'decent'.

My mouth went dry.

Jun had no idea I was here.

She had huge bright lime green headphones over her ears, and was obviously jamming to something, it was so cute how she was sort of dancing around in dark jeans (which I'd never seen before), and... just a plain black bra, long hair wet. Freshly back from a shower.

And then I seen on the coffee table by the couch, a bottle of liquor and a shot glass. One of the ones we were supposed to be testing no doubt as it was packed to the brim with whole cloves.

The alcohol line was lowered. My guess was she'd taken a few shots.

And she did it alone?

I wasn't enraged, but just surprised. Wholly surprised.

I blinked a few times in my absolutely shock.

For someone who never drank, it was odd that she'd done it by herself, and with her nervousness, I had no idea how she mustered up to do it.

Lately, Jun had been surprising me.

Somehow, underneath her surface, there were things that perhaps I didn't know.

And I thought I knew her so well.

Maybe I don't. Maybe there was more to her.

Instantly my eyes shot back up as she was moving around more.

Yes. I want to know everything about you, tell me your dreams, your wants, tell me more about what your desires.

About what you feel.

My eyes were fixed on how she was dancing. She was enjoying herself and that brought a good feeling to me mixed with other things.

Her waist was so little, and it was tight. Her chest, I'd always known she was big there.

But I'd never seen it like this. The bra was covering the important parts, but it didn't cover it all.

I felt a twinge between my hips and I heard my throat make a noise.

I couldn't even swallow.

She started rocking her hips around, and I heard her suddenly yell, 'Oh I like this one!'.

Watching her pull out her phone and clicking the side buttons to turn up the music louder, she began pulling shirt after shirt over her head, looking into her full length mirror, doing a few turns with each.

I'd never seen any of these clothes before.

And, I knew all of her clothes.

Her favorite shirt was that white tee she wore that had SPICE printed on it in large letters.

The tops she was putting on, they showed off her curves, something she normally hid.

They were all dark colored. Where'd all this stuff come from?

After a bit, it seemed like she'd decided on one, but took it back off and folded it, laying it aside, and resorted to bouncing up on her platform bed and did the most boldly immature thing I have ever seen her do since I've known her.

It literally melted me.

In black jeans and bra, no glasses, headphones, she started just jumping on her bed and dancing, her wet long hair flailing around.

'My god.'

The truth was clear in front of me.

There were things about this woman that I didn't know.

I wanted to lock myself up in her room to lose out to her. To have her feel me.

It brought an open mouth. Breath lost to see her like this, not contained like normal, but slightly crazy.

It didn't revolt me, it cracked my insides open more.

I poured for her.

My cup overflowing, love blind, completely falling.

I suddenly wanted to see so much more of this side.

I was burning, on fire, from my throat all the way to my hips. I was leaning into the wall suddenly to prop myself up, and I felt my left hand grab my shirt, to pull it out of my dress pants, to get it loose.

That was when I snapped.

"No." I said to myself quietly. "No."

My mind kept repeating the word 'mate' over and over in my head. My heart was leaping, chest stuttering.

My shirt pulled out a bit anyway. My hand hadn't stopped.

I wanted to unbutton.

My head was failing, and just in that short time, I gawked up and suddenly she wasn't there.

She was down in the living room area, with one of her new tops on, and she poured a shot of liquor and I watched her slam it down easy.

What in the world. Jun never drank! How could she just take it like that? Like it was nothing at all.

My duffel suddenly fell off my arm and landed on the floor.

'Fuck.'

She seen. She jerked her headphones off and I bent down to pick my bag up.

My brain kept telling me to fake it. I had to fake it.

I had wanted to surprise her and hug her, but my minds changed now. Other prerogatives.

"Oh hey! You're early!" Her face was flush, feeling warm from the jumping on the bed no doubt.

(Jun's mind was swimming in this moment hoping that he didn't see her previously, but certainly he just got here because he looked rather tired and like he was falling apart. Not angry like every other Friday so far. She made a mental note to be more careful, so much more careful. He was so early!)

I held the bag under my arm, just enough to cover my lower half, but not awkward enough to make it apparent what I was doing.

"Yeh. Dropped my bag." Came out of my throat raw.

"It's okay! You ready for this?" She held up the shot glass.

I don't know, was I?

My heart pounded. I just seen you half undressed Jun, and you have no idea.

"Looks like you already are." I responded back, trying to think of how to get away.

I was mildly panicking. Under that bag, 'something' had been effected.

"Yeh well, oh well. Earlier I sat down and I just psyched myself out so much that I just ended up taking one somehow. And then I took another one! Not bad!"

"Save some for research. I want to get out of my uniform. Don't drink it all." Perfect, perfect, yes, just let me go Jun. 4 o'clock in the afternoon and she was drinking, couldn't believe it.

"I won't! This is the last one for now!"

"Okay. I'm goin' to shower." I turned and wandered off to my room, my actual room.

Shutting the door, I slammed up against the inside of it, my back against it, I threw my bag to my bed, ran a hand through my hair and leaned my head back.

'Ah shit. Wow.'

As if the ride up here wasn't crazy enough with what was going on in my head. And now this!

I jerked the rest of my collared shirt out of my jeans, snapped my belt open. A zip.

That was so much better.

I felt relief.

I'd felt moments like this before. I'd started having them when I was about 14.

Both my hands were in my hair now, just so that they stayed there and didn't go anywhere else.

This was by far the strongest one I'd had. And with how much I wasn't around anymore with being on the council of Ten, I hadn't had one in awhile.

I'd almost succumb to myself out there. That was how stupid this was.

And that would of made me a disgusting pervert. Something I don't want her to think of me as.

I regained my breathing, forcing myself to stand, not taking my hands off my head. Not once.

I wouldn't do it. I'd save myself.

Other guys did, that I knew. They played with themselves.

To me that wasn't wrong or weird, just normal I guess. But I, for some reason couldn't.

Because the only one I thought of was Jun.

I couldn't handle thinking of dirty magazine ladies.

Hell, ladies. They weren't ladies. Far from. Disgusting.

Jun was more than them.

But I couldn't do it. I wanted to save as much of that as I could for the day that I'd give all of myself, and those secrets, to someone I cared about.

Hopefully Jun.

If she'd have that.

If that woman out there would have me.

If she'd take me into her bed.

I finally was calm enough to start taking my clothing off.

I stood in front of my mirror while I shed nearly all except my boxer briefs.

My form.

I was lean, I had been working out so much more at the mansion to distract myself from my horrible position there.

And it was paying off. My shirts had began fitting tight, but what I was happiest with was my thighs.

I'd been doing so many squats in the gym there. I wanted my muscles in my legs to protrude more, and I'd gotten it.

So much that I had a girl in class that was just staring at my ass the other day. She almost screwed up the curry that she was making and I almost had to fail her.

Was that how I was supposed to know that I was 'there'? Reaching that pinnacle where my physicality was distracting?

It was so annoying with that girl. She didn't approach me or anything, but I'd rather not.

I knew who I wanted to look good for.

What if Jun seen me like this? I had just seen her half de-clothed from afar, but I'd seen it, and I'd liked it.

I'd liked it so much.

I flexed my bicep, and pinched my side, I barely grabbed skin there, no fat at all. I wonder what my BMI was.

I was comparably fit to Ryo I thought, and he was Alice Nikiri's lackey guard dog.

I was taller than him though.

I put my hand on my hip just looking at myself.

Bad habits of being primarily and only sort of raised by a woman. I put my hands on my hips a lot, and I crossed my legs when I sat.

I had people at the mansion talk about how that makes me look all domineering and kingly.

I could careless.

What I cared about was if Jun would find me attractive, as attractive as I found her.


	8. Chapter 8

8 (Jun's POV)

He'd been in there a long time. Over an hour. Not that I cared, he could take as long a shower as he wanted, and as hot as he wanted, we don't pay the electric bill, Totsuki did.

He had his own bathroom, I had mine.

In fact, we had all the bills covered here. I was Totsuki's personal research scientist (Well, Hayama's, according to the director), and they shelled out for it. So, I was a bit spoiled with the long showers myself.

The renovation I wasn't that pleased with though, I was so used to it being the way it was, the way it had been. That new director did what he wanted with the place. I liked the open floor plan, which it still was, but there had been a few extra walls built that didn't really do anything except serve solely for the sake of fashion, and it bugged me.

A knock came to the door.

"Oh, Isshiki!" I was excited. I jumped up to answer.

It was better that he'd came right now to start getting set up for dinner, because it was pulling close to 5:30, and my mind was littered with some thoughts.

I hoped, I really hoped that I was covered when Hayama got here.

I should of figured that he'd try to leave early today for the kick off of our experimental research, but honestly, he hadn't spoken to me since we'd texted that one night a few days ago, so I had no idea he was coming early.

That was the night I'd saved that picture of him.

I'd promised myself I wouldn't look at it that much, only allow myself to sometimes.

"Hey! Ishiki-Kun!"

"Nisan! Shiomi Senpai!" He bounced in, looking as happy as always, eyes shining.

"I'm not a Nisan!" I proded back. He was just teasing though, poking fun at me being a tomboy, calling me an 'older brother'. Thank god I'd full on abandoned the idea of wearing a tighter fitting shirt. Or, I knew he'd have something to say about that.

He was smiling and taking his shoes off.

I let out a sigh of relief. He was clothed. That would make the night easier, Hayama hated it when the guy didn't wear clothing, even though they didn't know each other well.

He knew him as being a former member of the Ten, and from Polar Star only.

But I admitted, it made things weird when he wasn't clothed, it made me feel so awkward and couldn't stop staring. I mean, it was a nearly naked guy, right there!

Supposedly, at Polar Star he wore practically nothing most of the time, and they considered that normal.

Yeh, Ishiki was kind of strange. He better wear clothes with this new job he got though! It'd scare everyone away if he didn't!

"So where's the 'stuff' at?" He came in, overzealous as always. "Woah!" He stopped and just looked around. "This place got an upgrade huh? Nice! I do like it!"

"Yeh it did. The new director did it."

"I see." Was all he said.

He didn't seem upset, but the tone of his voice sounded more so like he was just in deep thought, analyzing things I couldn't place.

"Here's the alcohol." I was so proud of it. I'd followed recipes to blend them just how the high class restaurants did.

"This is crazy! Look at all those cloves in there, it's packed completely full!" Isshiki went on picking the bottle up, noticing it had had some drank out of it. "Started a bit early eh?" He laughed sitting down on the couch.

"Well, who am to make something and not try it out? I told Hayama earlier I had to psyche myself out just to take one."

"Ha! Why? It looks like it'd be good."

"I don't really drink. So, taking on this project was quite a new challenge for me." I sat by him on the couch.

He nodded acknowledging, but was still looking into the bottle. "It's kind of pretty isn't it?" He said in an endearing tone.

I nodded back.

"So, if you don't drink normally, who's going to be around to watch you?" Isshiki smiled. "I will if you want." He winked.

I shook my head, smirking. This was normal for him to be like that, he was a flirty, freshly 18 years old. So were some of the other guys in his dorm, the two that fought all the time were for sure, as I'd heard from him.

"No, Hayama-Kun is going to."

"Huh?" He suddenly put the bottle down. "But you said he's doing this too right?"

"Yeh, and you promised not to say anything remember?" I smacked him on the arm.

"Ow! I'm not! I'm not! But, what I mean is, how the heck is he supposed to watch stuff and keep crap together when he's drinking himself?"

My mouth just fell open.

Isshiki saw.

I hadn't even thought about that.

Was I stupid?

I just had gotten so used to Hayama doing everything all the time: packing me up the stairs occasionally when I'd fallen asleep, watering the plants, planning for me, that I'd overlooked it.

He even still texts me when I have meetings to remind me, he set a scheduler up on my phone to go off when I have things I have to do!

This is different! Isshiki was right.

My face felt hot suddenly.

What had I agreed to exactly? I always cave into him whenever he actually wants something!

"Jun Senpai?" Isshiki mumbled, trying to joke around again. "Nisan."

I wasn't paying attention.

(If I was paying attention I would of seen the light-brown haired upperclassman scanning me with his eyes, intently looking at the intensely changing emotions on my face, inside his own head drawing lines between things.)

Hayama and I were drinking together. I was an idiot to assume that he'd stay stable. He always was so well put together, so it was natural that that was where my mind went.

But Isshiki-Kun presented a whole new realm of thought that I hadn't even crossed.

What if Hayama couldn't control himself? Alcohol did weird things to people.

It can loosen. It can shake. It can bear truth. It can cause tears. It can make people angry. It can cause someone to act reckless.

I wanted only the first, that it loosen him up some. That was the only one I had thought of that day when I was yelling at the holy basil plant.

Not the others.

What if it shook him up? Made him bear more truth? Made him start crying, angered him? Made him crazy?

"Uh." I suddenly got socially anxious not sure what to say to Isshiki-Kun.

He continued on. (Knowing something odd was going on in my head, not to my knowledge he was thinking this.) "No matter! I do want to see this through a bit! It sounds interesting! Could I hang out for awhile after dinner? I want to see what the food tastes like to you guys after drinking this stuff."

"Yeh, that's okay." I babbled. I wanted to have a bit of a buffer. My mind thought back on that photo of Hayama in my phone.

Shirt unbuttoned, hair a mess, eyes so light green like mist over a rainy hill.

If he let loose, that I could handle.

If the others happened, then how would I handle that?

But what if I accidentally went too far along down the string too? I had no intention of getting drunk, but what if I did end up like that?

How would I handle Hayama if he was having a fit of anger or crying?

I wouldn't be in the right mind to help at all! So, I agreed with Isshiki.

Please, just stick around Isshiki-Kun. 'Please.'

"What's going on?"

Suddenly we both looked up. Hayama-Kun was standing there in jeans and no shirt, a white towel around his neck, hair wet.

(Akira inside his room distinctly heard the sound of Ishiki's voice, and had gotten a bit pissed, thinking that the idiot better be wearing decent clothing. Jealously, he made the decision to walk out with only jeans on, something he never did. He was still a tad riled up from seeing Jun in secret, and had been thinking that since he's seen her half de-clothed, and he knew how he reacted, maybe he should do it to her. He wanted to know her reaction. But he also, he wanted to be viewed as the dominant one over that improperly dressed senior. It was animal instinct. He didn't want Jun looking at Isshiki. He wanted Jun looking at him.)

"Oh Akira!" Ishiki burst suddenly using no formals like he knew him well. "We were talking about the research. I'm interested in it!"

He didn't correct him. It fizzled him, but that didn't really matter right now. "That so? Well, you'll be seeing it tonight, better keep quiet about it too." (He noticed Isshiki actually was dressed. That was a first.)

Hayama's voice came out rough but smooth at the same time, I didn't know how that was possible.

He went to stick his knee up on the chair, lazily leaning back on it a bit. Relaxing.

Isshiki and him chatted. It wasn't an interested conversation. I could mildly hear it, but my heart was crazily jamming in my throat to much to even talk.

What the? What was he doing out here like this!? Half unclothed?

"I'll keep quiet! There's no worries! I already told Shiomi Senpai I would! You've got my word as well."

(Isshiki went on, it was because he had no idea that Hayama being out in the main area of the house with his shirt off like this was... off.)

"Good. You can try some later if you want." Hayama pointed at the bottle.

"Oh great! I was gunna ask! But I didn't want to step all over what you guys were doing!"

Just what the hell were we doing? My mind pandered all over the place again. 'Jun! Just don't look!' I kept yelling at myself internally.

Yeh, I'd stared at Isshiki-Kun when he was de-clothed, and wearing barely nothing, but so was everyone else. So, did everyone else.

I've seen so much of Isshiki at this point that it just didn't even phase me anymore, I'm jaded to him.

But not to Hayama, I was beginning to realize, and quick!

I just stared at the coffee table, I'd snapped my head away from Hayama as fast as possible. My thoughts... I had no idea whether they were inappropriate or not.

But I was his mentor on paper, and he wasn't even 18! That's the foundation of my 'improper' thoughts right? It should be.

But.

'No buts Jun! This is not right! He's not a man Jun! He's a, he's a!' My mind wailed at me.

Out the corner of my eye I seen him slink back a bit more against the chair he was leaning on, and reach down and grab the shot glasses pouring two.

One for me. One for him.

Him and Isshiki still bantered.

I wasn't even paying attention anymore.

My eyes kept motioning over... and then I found my eyes just settling on Hayama's lean body. I tried to yank them back, but as soon as I did, I'd just find them wandering back again.

My cheeks were so hot. Surely I was blushed, I felt embarrassed to all hell.

Hayama was so... I had no words.

His form was not a boy's.

Muscular, fit, he was bulging everywhere, in all the places girls got distracted looking at.

He was even more mature looking than when I'd seen him a year ago.

This past year had been kind too him, too kind.

The jeans he was wearing were too low riding too. Like he hadn't even cared to button them correctly.

"Jun?" Hayama said suddenly. He was staring at my face, he handed me the shot glass.

(Clear as day Hayama seen Jun's brown eyes fixed on his abdomen. And this pleased him. She wasn't even paying any attention to Isshiki, and that filled him with jealous victory. Then as her face raised to meet his, she looked rosy in the cheeks and lost, this he loved. So, she did like the sight of his body.)

(Ishiki unknown to both Hayama and Jun, had seen this whole quiet interaction.)

I held the shot glass.

"Ready?" Hayama said.

'Now?' He wanted to start now. It was getting about that time I guessed. "Sure. Don't call me Jun." I said quiet.

He said nothing and held glass up and took it quick, slamming it down and coughing.

Isshiki started laughing. "It's not as bad as the rice juice at the dorm! Trust me!"

I took my shot, much easier than him, and sat it on the table.

(Hayama watched it slide down her throat with ease, how was that when he'd just had an coughing fit?)

"Was that your first taste of alcohol?" Isshiki said looking at the bottle again packed full of cloves.

"Yeh." Hayama coughed.

"Don't do this." I turned to him to say. I didn't want him to ruin himself, but at the same time, I wanted to save myself from the possibilities that this might cause if he started getting outrageous.

(Isshiki was listening to the drama intently.)

"What? I'm doing it. We already agreed." He said. He quickly poured another and one for her.

"I just!" I peeped out. My thoughts from that day I was talking to the the plants, came to light suddenly. "If you do, you've got to promise me something."

"Hn." Hayama sat back, looking relaxed, he took the towel off his neck and began drying his hair eyeing her. Then when he was done he laid his head back.

I was shaken a bit, just because he was looking so lovely right now.

"Don't over do it." I simply said. It seemed to be the easiest thing to say without muddling into things I shouldn't openly blab about.

He rolled his head to the right and looked right at me.

I felt as if he could look through me.

"I will watch for my limits."

(This was all very interesting, very interesting indeed to Isshiki.)


	9. Chapter 9

9 (Akira's POV)

I hadn't promised anything.

I had told her that, 'I'd watch for my limits.' That wasn't saying I'd stop if I found it though.

I really, personally, wasn't sure how I felt about it. I guess I wouldn't know until I tried to find my limits.

So, my personal take was to try to find it. No matter what Jun thought or not.

I understood her, as she was always so concerned about me, but still, I've always been my own person; eventually this was bound to happen.

Drinking is a part of life.

The decision whether you want to or not, that's truly your decision and your decision alone though, and that decision I would like to make.

But how would I know what decision to make for myself on it, unless I tried it?

Isshiki was already cooking in the kitchen, and that left Jun and I alone shooting alcohol on the couch.

I had meandered back to my room to get a shirt though, I'd gotten the knowledge I wanted and that was that Ishiki was dressed and that Jun was paying attention to me.

So, I abandoned ship. Like a pirate with a newly discovered treasure that he didn't want to share with the rest of his crew.

"Bleh. Hayama." Jun suddenly spoke.

I'd noticed the shirt she had on earlier she wasn't what she was wearing.

I wonder why? She looked so happy!

It had been adorable watching her, among other things.

And she had even looked like she'd decided on one, folding it.

"What?" I said downing a shot. I was feeling so hazy. So this is what it does? 'Crazy.' I was so comfortable on this couch, as I'd already moved from the chair to sit more near to her.

She suddenly sat back. "My whole mouf is a clove."

I started laughing, I just couldn't stop. It was funny.

Apparently the senior cooking heard it too and was laughing. "You guys okay in there?!" He yelled.

(Isshiki had never heard Hayama so cheery. To him it was funny, Akira actually had a hilarious laugh! He kept thinking that Jun was the one making him laugh, and that that was not a bad thing.)

"Yeh!" She slunk over a bit. "I mean yes, yeh." Her mouth sounded so loose.

"Okay! Just checking!" Ishiki hollared.

We had everything set up ready to go, papers, notepads, charting tools, but amongst all of it I suddenly got a bit concerned.

I knew how I was feeling, was she feeling the same?

"Jun? You okay?"

"Yeh, dun'call me Jun." She slurred. "I never drink, wow." She suddenly just let out her ponytail all at once and shook her hair out, rustling it around.

I almost choked. It was such a striking change and so quick.

She was just getting comfortable. Maybe I should get more comfortable too?

I scooted a little closer. And we took a few more. It was getting darker outside and the living room lamp, I reached up and turned it on it's lowest, dimmest setting.

"Hey." Jun suddenly said, cheeks flushed.

I looked.

"Whatz it feel like hm? You like it?"

(Jun knew she was getting a bit to far, but she was still there enough to still have hope that he was finding some relaxation in it. It was an accident drinking as much as she did. Just like how she forgot to do stuff without him planning things. Oh, yes. This was one of reasons she quit alcohol all together, she remembered now. What was worse was she had no clue what her limit was anymore, hadn't for a long time. She was a lightweight just as Hayama suspected she'd be.)

"Mhn." I leaned back, sound in my throat, she was facing me now on the couch and had a pillow across her lap, looking dazed.

She was utterly kissable.

I wouldn't.

Instead I reached down to the table, poured and took another shot. It was just easier than battling with what my own eyes were seeing.

She got really whispery all of a sudden. "What'z the mansion like?"

"Hmm." I was beginning to feel out of it. Feeling faded. "It's not here."

"Yeh." She murmured. I watched her take a shot too and she suddenly blurted, "I can't do'anymore. Uh! I'm afraid t'move."

We were just talking now. Talking yes, I liked this. It was good.

"Why?"

The light was dim in the living room where we were. It had already started raining, it rained a lot this time of year, it casted a very calm mood between us, one of lowered voices.

I was allowing myself to wade into it, so deep. I'd swim off the shoreline into it, if it got that far. My whole body rocked from the drink, sort of like a wave.

But, I was sitting still, so odd and different. So relaxed.

"If y'stand, it moves through y'faster." She was slumping over a bit, and I instantly touched her shoulder in a bold way to push her back up to see her cheeks flush.

"Can I?" Flushing. Her face again. My hands were on her glasses. I didn't want her to smash them, especially with the way she started falling over. The alcohol was just making her body heated.

"Yeh. Take'em."

I took the moment to brush behind her ear her bangs, and amongst folding the glasses with one hand (the other hand, the one brushing the bangs), I hadn't noticed that my hand stopped after done to lay loosely, calmly atop her shoulder.

(Jun, in her state, welcomed the touch, and tilted over to lay on him just a little, her mind going right back to Hayama being steadfast and would look out for her.)

"Y'watchin' out? I don't want t'do anything stupid."

"Yes. I am."

I was suddenly surprised! Jun tipped over and laid her head on my shoulder!

'Oh!' I hadn't felt it, my body numb. But when I turned my head from setting her glasses down on the coffee table, she was there. "Jun?" I whispered. I looked back to the kitchen, Isshiki wasn't there, but I could hear a skillet being moved on top a stove, then turned back to the woman's face.

I was contemplating now, things that I shouldn't.

Checking for eyes. Extra ones.

She looked done for.

I could so easily just turn her chin up with a finger, like I do sometimes, except this time... lay my lips on hers.

It could be so easy.

Her eyes were closed.

I could.

"Dun'call me Jun." She whisped.

That broke that thought, I suddenly felt like I was being challenged for some reason.

I got a tick inside me, and somehow my breath formed words, but I turned my head so it was closer to her ear, and quiet.

"It's y'name."

"I dun't understan'." She mumbled. She rubbed her face into my right my shoulder, on my shirt, the loose white one I always liked to wear that was split at the top.

All I thought was of dominance now as she nezzled in.

I wanted to lay on top of her.

'Shit.' I was fighting with myself so severely.

She was just so utterly clueless right now.

She wrapped a quick palm on my knee.

That made it worse.

I responded by the only thing I knew how, eyes scanning, I moved my body and put the whole arm that she'd fallen on to go across the top of the couch, behind her.

A bit devious, but she did exactly what I hoped she would, which was fall more into me.

Her head was on my right breast now and she was smiling a closed lipped smile.

How my chest started to beat. 'Yes Jun, please use me. Lay on me all you wish.'

I slowly scooched my body down a bit on the couch. Her head traveling then a bit more inward.

If she wrapped her arms around me, I'd probably lose my self control.

I'd kick Isshiki out.

For I knew 100% she was wrong that day she explained that she thought she was taking advantage of me to the director, but this?

I'm letting her take advantage me and my body all she wanted.

That's right, touch my body Jun.

Use me as a pillow, and put that other pillow down.

Let's get a step closer.

I want you and I to be a step closer.

To me, as I grew, I craved her to 'use' me more and more. I was hers after all in heart, and anything she'd ever desire I'd attempt to do.

I put my hand on the pillow and shook it loose from her grip which wasn't strong anymore, it had been between us, and sat it to my left.

She let out a small whine, but I finally felt her breast against my side.

Like how I'd hugged her on stage. I felt both of them, her whole body, hugged it so tight.

(Jun noticed he took her pillow, but didn't understand why. But she couldn't protest. She was too gone. The only thing on her mind were a few things, and the fact that Hayama's heart was beating. It was beating fast?)

'Oh shit.' Things were getting hazier and quick. My voice was unlike my voice somehow, and it was openly speaking. It sounded slurred. "Why don't y'understan'? Jun is y'name. I like your name." I got a bit tangenty. I couldn't help it. My mouth just ran a bit. "Jun is a'name I find nice."

It wasn't a lie. I couldn't lie to her.

Jun was a pretty name to me. She was named after a month in the year that was a spring month. How lovely and fresh; it was like her.

A perfect fit.

"Yes?"

"Yes." I whispered into her ear, my lips were inside of all her hair, I could smell the shampoo she uses, loaded with cinnamon and blood orange.

Her whole bedroom smelled like it. I still go up there just to stand sometimes while she was out, (and if I was around, so she didn't think I was weird).

The aroma, since I have a high olfactory sense, it stirred me. It was uniquely her.

I could smell it even from a ways off. That was how I knew she was around, where she was.

Whenever I'd walk up to her room and just stand, I'd be overcome with it.

I liked being overcome by it. I let the scent take me on a journey, hoping that that journey would eventually lead her into my arms somehow.

Maybe... like how she was now?

I looked down on her.

I began combing her hair behind her ear with my right hand, fingertips only, which wrapped back up behind her, and awhile went by like that.

My heart just pounded in my chest unbearingly fast. I felt as if I would start panting again. I wasn't sure what to do, surely Ishiki would see Jun tucked in my chest, her right palm on my knee?

What the hell would he think?

We weren't on top of each other, like I wished I could be with her, dominantly laying atop her body kissing her neck, possibly holding her down.

The sounds.

My pants started to feel a bit tight again. 'Damn it.' And she was right here!

(Hayama doesn't know that Isshiki did see. He'd walked out of the kitchen as he'd started putting his fingers in Jun's hair, brushing her bangs back. He seen the semi-compromising position that Jun was in, he seen how Hayama was whispering into her ear, his whole chin and mouth nesting in her hair. He seen how Jun looked like she wasn't minding. He'd just slunk back away into the kitchen without a word.)

"Wha'do y'think people think... by y'callin' me only Jun?"

I looked to the top of her head, resting my chin there as I do sometimes. She didn't whine at me to get off. "Who'cares?"

"Society."

I felt a bit frazzled among those words. So she thought what? "Then why do y'not say anythin' t'any researchers a'conferences when I'do?" Yes. I'm asking you a direct question. I want to know that answer. Not with people, with researchers. Other colleagues. 'Why?'

"Y'look older than me. Unfair." Her palm lifted and banged down weakly, a mild protest.

It was cute.

I could help but chuckle.

I also noticed when it sat back down it'd went a bit higher up. A few inches more. Closer. Cupped over my thigh.

It sent chills through me. No doubt, she did it not purposefully, but it didn't matter.

I was beginning to think that maybe it was okay that I was getting slowly turned on in her presence, depending on how this conversation goes.

"Are y'upset with that?" So, she does think I look older. 'Good.' With the way she was staring at me when my shirt was off, I'd say she'd looked a bit embarrassed that she was even doing so.

"No guess'not." She mumbled, adjusting her head.

(Jun was thinking how comfortable and nice Hayama was for letting her rest here. She felt like a hot mess.)

"Hn." I mumbled in her ear. I took in a deep silent sniff of her hair. I wanted to just take the top of that ear and nip it with my teeth. "That's right. I'm older now." I just came right out and said it.

I knew she knew it.

I was just clarifying what she already knew, like a fine butter.

"Yeh." She mumbled again.

I was still brushing hair behind her ear, but I noticed my fingers were actually tracing her ear now. Kind of an oops, because I hadn't noticed I was doing that, as I'd gotten distracted with her words, and her presence on me, and my 'issue' at the moment.

If I stood up, 'it'd' show.

But I liked where this was going, this conversation. It fit well with how my body was feeling.

I didn't want to leave this aura.

"Food's done!"

Jun jolted.

I felt her suddenly snap, not up to move, just her body having a quick spasm.

Isshiki's voice had scared the shit out of her.

She groaned and sat up.

'Isshiki. I will kill you.' Not really, but that's how I felt. I tried not to glare daggers to give it away.

I didn't want her body to leave me, I wanted her hand to travel farther up my leg, whether accidental or purposeful, it didn't matter in this moment to me, it was feeling good.

Now that touch was gone.

I didn't let Jun move far, she still sat right by me.

"Here. Don't move t'much." I whispered to her, she nodded back.

Selfish. I didn't want her to. Even if it was just my right leg smashed up against her left now on the couch, I wanted her body still touching mine.

"Ready? This is exciting!" Ishiki waltzed in.

(Things he'd seen were getting kind of... strange mood wise in the living room. He was asking himself questions now, but he decided to play the innocent card because it wasn't his place to say anything. But he got it now. He at least got to see how deeply Hayama cared for Jun with this night so far. If that was why he joined the Ten, for Jun's sake, that he could get. Understand. Then he wasn't tyrannical like the others, or like the new director.)

"What's'it?" Jun asked.

"What you wanted me to make! Chicken Imperial."

"Mm, I'can smell t'peas." I said.

We both had a plate, so did he.

Jun started mumbling. "K." She pulled a notebook haphazardly over. "Smell first. Hayama-Kun."

"Okay." I said. What the fuck, my voice? I wasn't speaking well. I sniffed. "Th'peas smell acidic. Ugh."

Isshiki raised his eyebrows. "They're not!" He was eating as well, speaking through a chew.

Jun scribbled.

"Th'milk product used, was it sour?"

"No." Isshiki continued. "Does it smell sour?"

"Yeh." I scooted the bottled liquor over to him. "Here."

"Thanks!" He leaned down to the table and poured himself a shot and took it.

"Wh'arr the ingrediabts n'this?" I stumbled.

Isshiki scooted over a recipe and I had a hard time reading it.

"Chayann peeper. Tumric. Flor."

"Here just give that that." Isshiki ripped it right out of my hand with a laugh and a big smile. "I'll read them, you smell for them, and see what you smell. No offense Hayama, I don't know if you know or not, but you're drunk."

Jun looked at me suddenly. And I shurugged at her.

"You are too!" He pointed at Shiomi Senpai. "And I can see why! That's stuffs good!" Ishiki laughed out to her, she propped her fist up on the coffee table.

"What'vvr Ishiki Kun. Jus'red okay? Spices only!" She stammered.

"Okay okay! Cayenne Pepper."

I sniffed. "Uh. Mm. It's there. Nothin'wrg with it."

"Turmeric."

Sniffed. "Bland."

"Black pepper."

Sniff. "Uh a lot. Shit."

"Hayama-Kun!" Jun suddenly spit out.

"Wha?" I looked at her. Was I not supposed to cuss? "Didn't mean'to."

"He's drunk Senpai, give him a break eh?"


	10. Chapter 10

10 (Isshiki & Jun's POV)

I had no idea what was truly going on.

Suddenly I was outside laying on the grass staring at the sky.

I lost time somewhere.

Wasn't I just inside eating dinner with Isshiki and Hayama?

What I was seeing when my eyes came back into focus, yes, it was the stars through the clouds.

I was on my back. I felt kind of wet too.

Ah, that's right, it's rainy season, and it was showering earlier in the evening.

That means... I'm laying on wet grass.

'Great.' Grass stains were not easy to clean out of clothing.

Where the hell was I? And what time was it?

Suddenly I felt a swoop of anxiety come over me. No control over my limits, that was what caused this. That was a reason why I quit drinking so long ago now. But there was a reason why I had no control over my limits back then, and that was the reason the last third of my high school days at Totsuki were so awful.

I hide that crap.

For the sake of everyone.

"JUN SENPAI!"

Where'd that voice come from?

"SENPAI!" It yelled loud again.

"Isshiki-Kun?" I said mellow. My voice was messy and his voice sounded echoed.

Echoed?

I hazily sat up.

I was in the forest.

"Oh."

So, I was here after all.

I never come down here.

The last time was just before I left for India, it was a way of parting ways with my old life that I had been living and moving into something better.

I scooted my knees in and shakily I stood, I didn't have my glasses. I didn't have horrible eyesight without them, but it still made it harder, my palm was spread on a tree. I felt the wet bark.

"Isshiki-Kun!" I managed to blurt out a bit louder.

"Senpai?" He was getting closer. "I can hear you! Where are you!?"

"Ovr'ere!"

The bushes parted and the light-haired brunette arose with a flashlight. "Why'd you run off?!"

"I dunno." I swirled. I really didn't know. Maybe somewhere my subconscious wanted to come back here?

I had every idea why I tried to stay away as much as I could though.

"You're drunk, that's why." He should of known. He didn't roll his eyes at her, or think of her as crazy. He'd never seen her drink, so he had no idea what she'd do. Some people did do this, they'd suddenly feel the need to bolt places.

None of them at Polar Star did, as he made sure all his dormmates were safe if they decided to hold a party in Marui's Room.

Always in Marui's room.

"Come'on." He put a hand on her back. "Oh! There's a small lake here." It was a pretty sight.

"Yeh."

He started walking her back. She was stumbly. "Watch your step, okay?"

"K."

This was the perfect opportunity. How this came to be. And without Hayama, now was a good time. He didn't want to dig for information, but somehow, he wanted to know things. Maybe it was because he was nosy, that was kind of part of it, but it was because he was also a good person.

He had been so curious about the choices Akira had been making.

Then... seeing him sitting on the couch with her the way that he was?

Hayama was aware that she was older.

So why did it seem that he had no care in the world to that?

He wanted to pry.

Maybe playing an advocate on both sides?

He was a sap.

At least Senpai was easier to get to open up than the one who was waiting on the porch up at the facility for them to come back (Isshiki had told him that he was too drunk to go meandering off into the forest with him. He was flat out surprised he even listened, as Hayama did have an attitude sometimes.)

"So. Shiomi." Isshiki was walking behind her, making sure she wouldn't fall as they stepped over bush after bush in the dark, weaving slow as Christmas between thick sections of trees. "You feelin' alright?"

"I guess."

"Have you drank a lot before?" He wanted to test how deep in her state she was still.

"Mhm."

"OH?!" Isshiki got a bit excitable.

'Oops.' No no. She wouldn't let him know information like that. She followed it up with a bland statement. "Adults drink on'occasion."

Too late though. He was too keen. "Y'know Hayama is waitin' up there." He cleared his throat pushing her along a little, just like his words were. Just nudging, only nudging. "He's worried."

"Yeh. Thatz'him." I bumbled. Hayama was always so concerned about everything. Me falling off schedule. My appointments and going to them on time. Watering the plants to make sure they don't die. He would even make me breakfast on the weekends.

The senior tried a different approach. "Haha!" He laughed suddenly, trying to play it right. "He's gotten so fit! I'm jealous!"

I said nothing.

Flashes of imagery came to my head. 'Oh boy. No.' Can't. Not right now!

The way he leaned back on the couch with his wet hair earlier, a look on his face that somehow he was watching me for some reason with those mint green eyes.

It was Jun's silence that spoke more than any word could to him. The light-brunette was even more suspicious now. "I mean, do you know what workouts he does, because geez!" The upperclassman rambled on.

I had no idea what workouts he did! I didn't even know he was doing them myself until tonight! Until tonight. The night that I couldn't take my eyes off of my own ward, to move them from his torso, his jeans, his face.

Tonight I know for sure. Hayama-Kun was no longer a boy, or even a teen. Yes, still in age, but the way he acted combined now with the body he possessed?

Any girl would fall to her knees to that tan face. Probably would beg if it wasn't for the fact that he was the 9th Seat.

"I mean does he have a girl or what?" Isshiki was playing it off laughing, while poking the sensei through the bushes. He wanted to know. Was Akira available? Was he dating someone? Depending on how Jun answered him, might spell what he was doing exactly tonight with her on the couch.

It wasn't a lot to be concerned about as he gathered a while back that he was protective over her, but he seen. And oh did he see! He'd stepped out to ask Shiomi Senpai a question about the recipe, but when he did, he looked over and she was laying on the tan man's right breast, and he had his arm across the back of the couch, around her, brushing back bangs, whispering into her hair by her ear.

Something snapped in Isshiki's mind.

He fucking liked her.

It was a guy thing. Guys could tell when others guys were crushing on a specific girl!

He could already gather up this unspoken feeling in Akira. What about Jun?

"No Hayama-Kun seems to'busy." Jun sniffed. "I'wish'he would." I honestly did want him to have a normal student life. To have more friends, even to date. It was hard with the new director being a total tyrant, but still. I had said back in the greenhouse with the holy basil plant that I didn't want the last happy image I had of him in my mind was when he was watering the lavender.

Isshiki knew then. Jun had no idea that Akira liked her. It was her tone, her innocent way of putting others above herself.

He smiled at it. She really was such a doll. A caring, genuine one.

Caring and genuine. Who makes Hayama laugh. Who makes a smile come to his face.

'Shit.' He trailed behind her.

He had to get these two together somehow.

He really was playing an advocate.

A devil's advocate, as this type of relationship would be bad if looked at under the microscope by Japanese society. Hayama was technically still a minor, a very very adult looking, studious minor, who people mistook as being much older, but still.

He was a lover, and not a fighter. Isshiki knew that about himself, and he could recognize when feelings were 'there'. It was why he wanted to be a pastor for overseas weddings.

Jun was feeling something, he just wasn't sure what.

But it was something.

He knew her too well. Her mind probably wouldn't even go there knowing her, as she was so concerned with being proper, cordial, and kosher with society. But when did Jun Senpai actually do anything for herself? Make any choices where she put how she felt first?

But it was that he just didn't know how she felt. He could place it from her words.

He'd be leaving soon.

He wondered what was going to happen after that.

Speaking of weddings.

He was 'marrying' these two in less than a month for practice. Suddenly he was entirely too engaged on wanting to go back to Polar Star to research.

As always gears were moving in his mind and he wanted the answers to his own questions.


	11. Chapter 11

11 (Akira's POV)

I finally saw movement coming up the hill.

It was about time.

So upset I was that that brunette made me sit here and wait for him to go find her. I should of been the one to go find her, to seek her. She is the woman that I desire, and as far as I was concerned it was my responsibility to her, at least as a fellow research partner, to find her.

I was forcibly made to agree to sit here and let him go after her because I was too far gone. And honestly, I knew now, I was. That fact had came to my attention as Isshiki had said it to me earlier in the living area, but also as I tried to stand to go with him and I couldn't properly.

Why had she taken off anyway?

"Hey!" Isshiki said waving.

I could tell she looked sort of sorry. I didn't want to berate her for suddenly spinning in circles down the road like a little kid, but I didn't.

I should of stopped her as I started to see her tumbling and rolling in the grass, but I didn't.

Jun was showing me things about herself that I hadn't known, a childish side that the liquor had brought out in her. I had no doubt, that if we were kid friends together, just the same as she does for me now, she would brighten my life with her abundantly silly personality.

How fun that would of been. But I honestly liked our story better, because it was ours. It would be one of the things I say to her one day, if only that were to happen. That I don't just like our story, but that I loved it, and that I loved her.

Finally they approached, she was muddy. "I'm... I'm sorry Hayama-Kun."

She was still lit up on the clove mixture, I could tell, and well, so was I. Her running out of view and disappearing had worked me up so, especially with leaving the situation in the senior's hands, I had resorted to having a few more shots.

If he touched her in anyway. 'No.' Surely not. Isshiki was an indecently dressed moron most of the time, but one thing he wasn't was underhanded.

I could trust that about him at least.

She slammed down on the porch aside me. "I'need water, uh." He tongue came out of her mouth, feet going on the steps.

"I'll get you some, but then I gotta go!" Isshiki. "Sorry guys! It's late!"

"Wh'z time?" My mouth, it wasn't working.

"It's midnight."

"Ah." It wasn't late, late but late enough.

Soon, Isshiki brought us both a water. He had some sort of odd look in his eye. I had no idea what it was, but his whole face was just smiley, too smiley.

How could he be like that all the time, it drove me nuts in all the wrong ways.

"Alrighty! I'm rollin'!" He was chuckling walking off. "See ya tomorrow! OH!" He waved getting on his moped (a lot of students at Totsuki had them).

I watched Jun's head rise at that sudden shout. Mine did too. It was loud.

"Behave Shiomi Nisan!"

"I'm'notta Nisan!" She pounded a fist on her thigh. Not angrily, but protesting, like the little dog nipping at the ankles that she was, expect there was a smile.

That didn't make me that happy per sey, as selfishly I wished to be the only person to make her smile, but I couldn't take her away from her 'friends'. Friends made you smile, and laugh, and tear up. Isshiki bothered me, but Jun did feel close to him and that I couldn't and wouldn't take away from her, because it wasn't fair.

I would never do that.

We both watched him drive away.

"I'need a shower."

"Yeh. Same."

"Y'still... y'know?"

"I am."

She got a little confident in her state. "Why'd y'do'it Hayama?"

I seen my white bangs fall in my face as I looked from underneath them at her. I knew what she was asking.

(Jun's breath halted inside her as how he looked right now reminded her of the picture he took of himself and sent her. The one she secretly saved in a side folder on her phone, that she promised herself that she would only look at sometimes.)

Did she suddenly look? I'm not sure what that look was. Her eyes are so glossy they look like marbles, pretty colors floating in their skies. "I want'd t'kno."

"Wha?" She said flat, like she was a bit lost.

"My limit." A swallowed a bit of water.

"Bu..." She fell backwards on the porch step. She meant to lay back easily but the instead the wave of the liquor took her and she slammed back. "Ow!" She stammered.

"Jun!" I couldn't help it. The woman was reckless.

"Dun'call me'Jun." She said plain.

I leaned over her, brushing bangs out of her face. I couldn't help but stare down at her. The way she looked with her brown hair spilled all over the floorboards was so appealing to me. Angelic.

My stomach was warming and she moved her eyes to stare into mine.

I could not breath.

My palm halted on the side of her face, idle.

I could kiss her.

But.

This wasn't like earlier.

She was more alert now.

What'd I'd done deviantly was wrong. I was taking advantage of her state, scooting my body down on the couch, just to hope that her palm would move more up my thigh. I'd realized that pretty quick after I'd come to a better bearing.

The alcohol was getting me to go out-of-control, making my body free, feeling warm, tingly in her close presence, in her smell.

What if she had touched... something else?

'Shit.' I couldn't think that way! I wouldn't of forgiven myself!

"Haya... ma." She broke the silence.

I retracted my hand once I realized... We'd just been staring quite awhile while I's been thinking.

(Jun on her own was unsure what he was doing. His hand had just stopped and the way he was looking down seemed? Intense. What was he thinking about?)

She grabbed his hand in response to his pull away as what she needed to say would involve him. "Help'me up. Please?"

Instant. I did. I wouldn't leave her laying here.

"Carry'me? I need'a'bath."

What?

She openly asked me to carry her? That was a first! 'YES!' I was wobbly but I picked her right up. I knew where she wanted to go instinctively. I carried her up the stairs inside, to her room, and as she protested about being sat down on the clean bed as she was covered in mud, I stood her up.

Suddenly I felt awkward. I wanted so badly to... not leave.

The girl started taking her shoes off, and without notice, wrenched up on her t shirt, but it got stuck around her head.

I wasn't even sure if she knew that I was still in here or not!

She was struggling.

Do I dare?

'Yes.' I wanted to touch her. Yet again. Taking advantage. I sighed. Situation after situation so far. It doesn't feel bad when it happens, it feels so damn good, but then it's the 'after' where I result to feeling like an asshole for touching something the so precious to me the way I wanted.

Because I did. I wanted to touch her in everyway I could. I want my skin against hers and hers against mine.

I put a palm on her side. Ah smooth. 'Mmm.'

She froze. Stammered. "Hay...ya..ma?"

"Yes." I scooted in close to her in the dark. "Le'me'help."

"Don't look." She mumbled under the fabric.

I didn't say anything to her because... I already had. I'd seen her half naked this way already, earlier today. I'd almost went animal and I had to retreat to my room in fear of being 'discovered'.

This moment to me was a step further. I was helping her take a piece of clothing off. I wanted to peel it off her. Strip it off her.

Slow, letting my thumbs run along as I did it.

I had to hold back.

I had to hold back.

I had to hold back!

But as soon as I got it off of her head, she stared up at me, fuzzy and confused, looking shocked I was standing here still.

I felt something in my jeans getting there again, and I had to form an escape route. "I seen'a'bit. Sorry." I wasn't sorry. But I said it so I could follow along with my own trail of things, to form a plan to evacuate. "I'm goin't'shower t'don't steal all th'hot water." I said it as bland as possible, to try to make it sound more friendly.

I would much rather shower with her.

Ah my jeans. I had to get these clothes off me, I had to go cool down.

The thought of her... naked.

Steam. Soap.

'Oh shit.'

Suddenly Jun acted like she just remembered something, snapping out of it. (She felt better that Hayama didn't take seeing for a second as anything strange. She honestly was struggling and did need the help, but it made her feel better and not as red-faced that he was lax about it, not that she was so at-ease she'd go out and leave her shirt off all the time, no way!).

Funny how it was actually the complete opposite for him.

Before he could leave, hoping darkness was a good enough cover, turning to the window looking out above the living area, she poked him, now with a towel around her chest.

"Your shower's outta shampoo."

I swallowed. Hard.

It was her shampoo. Blood Orange. Her scent. My palm shook.

"Thank you Hayama-Kun." She walked to the door to her shower and shut it and briefly I heard the shower start.

I groaned in my throat, snapping open the lid to sniff.

"Fuck." I couldn't help it. I'd literally be washing off with her aroma. It's be in my bed then.

Driving me insane.

* * *

That night Akira damn near lost it in the shower as the heat perfumed the shampoo's oils throughout the shower.

His hands actually moved away from his hair to his chest and he leaned his back against the wall to let the hot water run over him.

Enveloped completely.

His head was on fire thinking about her just as bare inside a steamy shower across the facility.

He had to get out.

But he could not escape.

The aroma was on his skin.

So aroused, he couldn't sleep, until his body was simply too tired to remain awake.

Then when he fell under he dreamt of her coming into his room and touching him. In all the places he wouldn't touch himself for pleasure.

But none of that was real as he awoke with the faint linger of scent still there, knowing it was just a dream.

Torturous. His heart ached for her, his body wanted, and his mind was responding to that.


	12. Chapter 12

12 (Jun's POV)

"Ah man." I woke up and I could feel this gross crust in my eyes. "Ew."

I had taken a shower. I had been up late. I couldn't even...

Instantly I slammed my eyes open. 'Holy!'

I couldn't even take my shirt off by myself last night! I didn't know he was still in here! Why did I think he'd just leave?!

Because he was so responsible. I had asked him to not let me get out of hand, but did that and was that enough cause for doing what he did?

For him to stay standing there!

I'd turned my back to the exit to my room! I thought he'd just go!

I could feel my cheeks getting red.

Hot.

'He.' Wait... wait a second. 'Hayama-Kun.'

He had acted like it wasn't a problem at all, like it wasn't a big deal to him that he was helping in that sort of way.

That's normal for him, always lending a hand, always doing chores, staying busy.

But this wasn't about the 'helping' for me. It was about something else.

He had stayed in here.

My eyes shot around my room to the area he'd carried me in (as I had asked him to carry me because I'd fallen back on the porch hard and knew I wasn't able to walk well, I'd struggled getting out of the forest too, without Isshiki keeping me upright, I surely would of toppled over).

Sure enough there was a dirty t shirt laying on the floor.

'There.' I gulped. That was where he'd stood me up and I turned my back to him and took my shoes off floppily and then went on to take my top off, but it... It got caught on me somehow, on my hair.

I was drunk and uncoordinated.

And... he touched me. He touched me.

"Calm down Jun!" I wasn't sure how I was feeling, all over the place perhaps!

I had to keep my shouts down to a low protesting growl. He was still here somewhere. Maybe he was hungover and still asleep? I had no idea what time it was, I had no idea where my phone was.

It was in the building somewhere.

Sure enough I'd had a close call yesterday bouncing around on the bed, trying on clothes, as he'd gotten here early, but that didn't matter apparently because late last night, he still ended up seeing me half undressed anyway!

And it was because he didn't leave!

Why'd he not leave?

"Calm." A breath. "It's. It's fine." I knew it wasn't 'fine', but my mind, I needed to grab hold of it for a second. I was just so over the top right now.

What I'm getting bent out of shape about was Hayama touching me, and it was a palm on my bare waist, as he steadily tugged the shirt off over my head.

And then we'd stared for a second. That registered just now.

In the dark his profile looked heavenly.

"No." I shook my head. No. No.

I cannot do this to myself.

He is in high school. 'Come on.'

There is no possible way.

"What I'm feeling, this embarrassment. It's real." I cursed myself, some adult I am! It's research, but I could hardly contain myself.

He seen that.

Honestly, he'd filled a void in my life that alcohol used to fill. And I'd stopped drinking, because Hayama had given me a reason to no longer be complacent in my life; I was no longer lost and lonely, I had someone that depended on me.

I could no longer get carried away and let the alcohol swoop me up in it's claws.

As soon as I showed Hayama-Kun the lab when we'd arrived back from India, and I'd signed the papers to be his legal guardian, any bit of liquor that remained, I'd tossed, vowing that that state of mind would be over.

So me showing this abruptly crazy side that I thought was gone, that I thought had disappeared, now to be awakened again at the taste...

Again? It's for research, something I signed up for, something set in stone to be studying, because I thought that all would be well, thinking that side was gone.

But apparently it wasn't.

And he seen it, the surface of it, my ward seen me go off the handle, how immature of me, not adult, and very reckless!

But now he is grown, if he seen me drunk when he was a kid, I'm not sure how he would of responded, but he'd never seen that. I never would of let that happen!

Seeing me that way as an adult though? Us both as adults doing this together?

He'd said he wanted to find his limits.

So last night, he must of found it.

That kind of bugged me. Always independent and doing what he wanted aside from how I felt.

It was like he considered always what I thought and how I felt, but somehow he was a little jerk that did what he wanted anyway.

'Little.' That was not a good descriptive term anymore. He was not little by any means.

I couldn't explain it, but Hayama had grown up so much. I recalled eyeing his torso while he was sitting on the couch with the towel around his neck.

He was not little at all. He was... huge.

Isshiki was lean and thin. Soma was short; a pale red head, smallish. That Ryo, Alice Nikiri's aide, he was fit, but he certainly wasn't as tall as Hayama.

Akira had a few inches on him.

I gulped and rubbed my eyes.

And here I am, comparing the other high school boys to him that I knew of at least.

What the hell is wrong with me? 'Well! Who else am I going to compare him to!' I'm surrounded on all sides by teens!

I shouldn't even be thinking this.

I'm not his mom. Comparing his growth was something mom's did, but hiding photos of them in a side folder in a phone photo album wasn't.

Sure mother's stored photos. But the photos I had... they weren't uh...

A few of them were kosher.

This was a new phone, so it didn't have any of the old photos on it that I'd had on the previous one. The younger ones of him. Which I cherished greatly, I swear I'm going to get them printed out and hung on the walls someday.

But these new photos I'd began keeping... I had only a few... but if anyone seen.

They were on that 'edge'.

I couldn't help but shift oddly in bed. 'Ah.' My glasses were on my side table, but I didn't feel like reaching for them right this second.

I had to find my phone! Hayama knew the passcode to it! What the hell would he think if he saw that I'd saved a few photos of him! The photo album that was secret required a password as well, and it was labeled something general, but he was too curious.

He'd ask about it.

And speaking of last night!

Even though I did thank him kindly, Hayama was a man now, just like in those photos on my phone in that folder portrayed, and that man had stayed in here and helped me declothe a partial amount of myself. And, 'That's right', I'd given him some of my shampoo.

Well, his shower was out. What other shampoo was there? None. That's the answer. I hadn't had a chance to go to the store, and I had an extra bottle so that was that.

The tall man took my extra shampoo and he walked out silently, but not before teasingly saying not to steal all the hot water.

Poking at me word wise like he normally does.

Just as quick as he helped me out, he took the bottle and left.

"That's all that was." He was just being nice. He was just trying to help me, like always. "This is just me being stupid." I whispered into a hands rubbing my face.

Again, it's just me not knowing how to react to him being an adult now; in an adult body, doing adult things (which he kind of always did anyway), but going about fighting for this lab, for my vision and goals? Becoming a member of Central?

I was also just embarrassed I think, because I do recognize that Hayama is a unique person.

'Unlike many others.' At least unlike the others his age, he was doing this for us, when I couldn't do anything against the director, (who'd I'd known since high school albeit), when I was powerless, set to be shut down, Hayama stepped in and said 'No.'

I understand the depth of what he was doing for Shiomi Research and for me.

I couldn't protect myself and he was, like a knight he'd come in a stood in front of me with a sword.

It shouldn't be his responsibly, it should be mine, but the positions and terms that he put us in, it left Hayama with no other choice, even though I'd begged him not to, it was another one of those things where he considered my feelings, but still did what he thought was best anyway.

I shook my head. Why does he do that? Why?

So yes, when he touched my side and helped tug my shirt off last night, my entire face went numb!

The walking talking savior of this entire operation was standing in here still assisting me!

My research partner, Hayama Akira.

"Knock Knock." Words came as two little taps on the door panel at the same time.

"Huh?" I looked up, grabbing my glasses off the table. Groggy. "Oh. Hayama-Kun." Shit. Speak of the devil. I instantly was slamming thoughts back. I hadn't even gotten up yet to try to find my phone. I didn't know he was even awake yet.

"Don't sound so enthused."

He made a pun at me being hung over. How dare he! He leaned on the doorway.

"I feel lazy." I blandly commented, my face going a bit red. I tugged around on my oversized sleep shirt.

"Can I come in?" He chuckled, then cleared his throat. And the he looked away, shuffling something, then back at me.

What was that look on his face?

"I made you breakfast."

"Breakfast... in bed?" He's never done that before. Usually he'd just make it and leave it downstairs until I got up.

"I was right, you're out of it still."

He just came in, turning with tray, without me giving the say so. He'd always done that! He'd always ask usually, but if I didn't say anything he'd just come right on into my area anyway!

Since he was little he did that, like a puppy that couldn't wait for the attention any longer.

I was speechless. And wish what I'd just been thinking on!

He sat the tray down and smoothed the blankets out on the bed, before setting it in that area, and he sat down himself on the other side of the tray.

"What?" He said plain, beginning to place toast, omlettes, various fruits on plates.

It was the smile on his face. It was the same one as the day that he'd had the lavender behind his ear.

That small, barely upturned one. Simple. But it was his content face, one where I knew that he felt calm and gentle, relaxed.

This was Akira. Who I wanted and wished him to be. This was Hayama-Kun not as a callous man, but as a kind soul, sweet.

I mumbled. "Thank you." I couldn't deny him with that look on his face. I put hair behind my right ear and looked left out the window.

He smiled a bit larger. "I figured you weren't feeling great. So, I wanted to make it easy."

(Hayama wanted to make it so easy for her. All morning he was enveloped in her blood orange aroma, it lingered on his skin, everywhere, and he'd wanted to cook, as maybe that would lessen it a bit, and his clothing would just smell like cooked bacon and sizzled onions, but as he was cooking, and the blood orange smell rather was combining with her scent, he found himself humming and he realized he wanted to see her. Immediately. He wanted to see her morning face. How she looked upon rising. Breakfast in bed was a good excuse, but he couldn't help but want to be so incredibly sweet to her. This woman that was spinning around last night all silly.)

"Yea." He gave me a plate full of food. "This smells good. What is it?" I picked up a fork. Forks. Hm. Western food.

"It's a classic southwest omelette from America, and some mixed melons."

I bit into it and it blew my mind.

Of course, Hayama's cooking was splendid. It always was. I could eat his food forever.

'Forever.'

I could feel my cheeks going red as I ate. It was that familar sizzly feeling.

(She didn't have to say a word. Akira knew she liked it, she was eating a little faster than normal, and she had a fuzzy look on her face, like she was reminiscing. He'd found her just woken up appearance to be so adorable. Baggy shirt, hair a mess, she usually was showered and ready by now, and he'd never seen her like this before. As she ate, he kept stealing looks at her. Everything he cooked was expressive of what he felt for her. And everytime she ate his cooking, it makes him feel warm. He was feeding her what he wished thier relationship was, and knowing she loved it, made feelings swell inside him.)

It wasn't too long and I had cleared the whole plate. He'd made himself a plate too.

He'd decided to eat here in my bed with me.

This was plenty more personable than what I was used to. Hayama was barely in my room. Hell, I don't think he'd seen me this ugly in the morning. I wasn't ugly by far, but when I woke a groggy mess, I always had a set routine to get myself together and presentable.

He'd caught me by surprise, and this was new, to sit on my bed. I think this was the first time I'd ever seen him sit on it. And he did so quite dainty, as he always did, with his legs crossed.

He always did that too. Crossed his legs. I had not a clue where he picked that up. I didn't cross my legs at all, I was such a tomboy that I even sat like one, legs slammed up on the coffee table, watching tv, lazily laying across the couch reading magazines, sometimes I didn't make my bed.

"Can you do something?"

I looked. Do something? For him? Abnormal.

"Like what?" I was instantly reeled in, my thoughts on getting dressed properly halted.

He started twisting off a few small jar lids. That he hadn't opened on a tray. I was wondering what those were, but once I started eating this delicious food he'd put so much effort into, I got completely distracted.

I'd kept thinking, when did I actually cook for him?

Did he know anything about the achievements I accomplished while I was a student at Totsuki?

I had a history here that was quite stately.

When Isshiki called me Senpai he meant it in a way that was deep. He teased me calling me his 'brother', sure, and I got on him for it. But I'm sure Hayama-Kun must wonder why he does that.

I lived in Polar Star. That's how I met Jaichiro. He was Polar Star.

I was on the Council of Ten. I was a leader. I followed in Jaichiro's footsteps and second year after they left and graduated.

My junior year I landed seat 8. Then like the striving, confident person I used to be (less socially anxious than I was now), I had challenged another council seat and landed the 4th seat later that year.

I kept that position my whole senior year.

The top 3 were always the ones pictured. There were some pictures of the whole squad of us 10 members floating around, plenty at Polar Star in albums.

But I stayed away as that part of my life I try to separate so hard from.

I hadn't been too hard on the liquor then, but I was being manipulated by someone, and while to a certain point it did help me become better, it reached a point where I was so far out of my own mind it was destroying me.

And so I had to let go, and so I gave it up, put he cooong aspect down, became a research scientist, and went to India.

But Isshiki knew of my past achievements. He'd told me many times that he'd looked back into the past histories of Totsuki's council members, and found it out.

Even commented that I didn't even look like the same person.

It was because I wasn't.

I was different.

But Akira's cooking, it makes me feel... different yet again. It makes me want to be different.

The Council of Ten was no longer just the Council of Ten, but 'Central' now. With director Azami in charge, it was all about pushing 'Central's' teachings, which we just his teachings, ass backwards, just as he'd always been.

Which was why I despised him.

"Jun?"

(Hayama started getting concerned. She was somehow very distant all of a sudden and got quiet. And that bothered him. What was going on in her head that it resulted to this outcome? Was it something he'd done? It was hurtful to see her this way. He wanted to fix this, to heal this.)

He placed a palm gentle around her wrist. "Jun."

"I've never cooked for you, have I?"

He didn't respond.

I know just from his silence, that I was right. He was suddenly dumbfounded as to why I'd said that, but also because it was true.

I had never cooked for him.

(Akira was more stunned by the fact that she hadn't told him not to 'call her Jun.' He was expecting it, but it hadn't came, and what came out instead was a huge surprise.)

I still cooked for myself, I still honed my skill, as I had to cook for myself to survive, but I wouldn't cook for anyone else.

I turned to face him. His misty green eyes met my serious brown ones, the white bangs feathery across his nose. One strand in particular went over his lip. His bangs had gotten so long as well, his hair was growing and he wasn't cutting it, his ponytail was the longest I think it had ever been.

I could feel the palm around my wrist, it was warm, but he didn't let go. "No." A small, quiet reply.

"I want to sometime." What was it about his cooking that spurred me on to change? I didn't want to go back to being who I was, but just to touch back on a few pieces of who used to be. "You ..." I stopped myself.

I was going to say... 'You make me unafraid.'

But I couldn't.

Of all things. If Director Azami finds out I'm cooking again, that wouldn't be a good thing.

(What was this that was developing? Akira was fully inside her eyes. She'd said 'You.' He wanted her to please tell him. He felt a swirl of heat inside him. He'd always wondered why she never cooked when she was a Totsuki grad.)

"What about me?" He whisped.

"I... uh." I suddenly couldn't speak. Anxious. Oops. I was, his omelette it was just so perfect in taste. It was making me slip up my words. They were beginning to slide out.

(On cue, Akira knew from that 'uh' that she had caught herself not knowing what to say, and in response to something that she was going to say about him, that was the thing that was making her nervous, his heart began to beat in joy.)

He let go of her wrist. And changed the subject. Pleased. "Try these for me. I need a second tongue."

"Hm?" I looked over. The tiny jars. Oh yeh. What were they?

I watched him take a spoon and scoop some out of the first.

It was maroon in color.

"Jelly?" I said.

"Marmalade." He smirked. "I've been concentrating some effort into these. Can you taste them?"

I'd just tasted his omelette and that sent me through a loop already. Now he wanted me to taste something else. Something sweet.

I wasn't getting dressed for the day anytime soon.

He lightly grasped my forearm and that surprised me. He did that when he wanted my full attention, and so I gave it, reluctantly.

Hayama looked so pleasant right now, mildly excited. It tore me up inside.

This was who I liked to see.

He was being creative under the directors nose. That was my cooking also. It was emotional. It was too much for Azami.

I'd made him cry once when we were in high school.

I'd made a pie that was so filled with flavor and homeliness, it spread gentleness across him. It was a pie that my mother made, and I also made homemade vanilla bean ice cream with just a bit a lime in it, to compliment.

Whatever emotion I was feeling was what came out in my food.

It was a dangerous to the director.

I served emotions up on a silver plate.

A spoon came to my lips, and I opened and licked the jelly.

What a second. Did he just?

As the flavor hit my tongue, and it was intense, I looked at him my face red as I watched him use the same spoon to scoop some and put it into his mouth also.

I could of done that myself!

(Her face again said it all. He had wanted to give it to her, if she'd let him. How passive she was being this morning! He was surprised as she'd let it happen. He knew it was quite a romantic gesture, if it was taken that way, she probably wouldn't, but still, he was finding some much pleasure in the fact that she'd let him, even though she was obviously left embarassed once realizing it. She also was letting him keep his palm wrapped around her forearm. He wanted to slid it down into her hand, but he knew that'd be a bit too far. He wanted it, but he held back.)

"Thoughts?" He calmly said, smiling and blinking at her slow under his bangs.

"Mm." Instinctually my mind was running. The inner chef that Hayama didn't know about was running a marathon. It was how I was so good at spice-work. I was a master at it at, much like Hayama is now. In a way he reminded me of my old self, except not as over the top. "It could benefit from more orange peel. It's raspberry. So some fresh squeezed lemon would make it zing. What about shaved ginger?"

"Ah." He took mental notes. "I put a little chili in it too."

"I taste. I think that's good."

"Try this one." He grabbed a different spoon with his right hand and scooped it into a green one. He held the spoon out towards my mouth again.

"I... I can do it myself Hayama-Kun."

"I've already done it once."

That response! What? That wasn't a good response to what I'd just said! I wanted him to hand me the spoon and he didn't. His look was one almost sly and like he was telling me not to protest about it.

I chopped down on the spoon as hard as I could showing him I was displeased that he was literally feeding me.

He'd done it once or twice before, but I felt kind of belittled about it. I was an adult! I can eat on my own!

But those times were when he was younger and just learning to cook and I was there as support.

Now? He knew how to cook! So what was his deal?

The flavor of this one was spicy as hell! A puff of hot air came out of my mouth.

He laughed. "Jalapeño and a touch of ghost pepper."

"You tryin' to kill me this morning?"

"No, the opposite." He took a lick of it too.

"Hm?" I was breathing hard trying to get air.

"Trying to wake you up."

He devilishly smirked at me.

'That little shit!' He made me taste this because he knew now I needed water and I'd have to get out of bed for it!

And with that he stood, a laugh.

"Wait! Don't you want advice on this one?"

"Nah. I'm satisfied with that one." He turned on his heel and left the room chuckling.

So! I didn't have to taste this one at all then!

He just that on purpose!

My mouth was on fire!

"Fine! I'm up!" I screamed down the stairs at him.

I caught a smirk as he was walking away.

Why does he always tease me like this!

"Damn it. I need water!"


	13. Chapter 13

13 (Akira's POV)

All day after she'd had a quick shower again and been up, she'd dressed in some of the clothing I'd seen her yanking out of the back of her closet and tearing through while I was secretly hiding behind the wall yesterday between the kitchen and the living room.

It was odd to see her in all black.

Her hair was wet and long, she wore a pair of jeans that were jet black denim and some high top sneakers, and her shirt was vneck like a man's, also black.

She left her hair down as it dried and did not pull it back into her normal ponytail with that same pink hair sruncthie-tie.

I couldn't help it, my eyes were all over her form. She was so... shapely, her body an hourglass. I wanted to wrap my hands right around that thin waist of hers and reel her into me. To push my lips against hers in this new 'style' she'd decided to try out, letting my tongue lap at hers.

Of course, I resorted to sitting down quietly, to read a book for school, as being close to her in the way I wanted to be was not an option.

At least this way I could steal glances at her as she worked.

A knock at the door. I stood, putting my book down to answer as she was preoccupied, sitting on the floor doing normal research, things strung out all over the tile in her corner, today she was grinding some sort of paste with a mortar and pestle. It had cumin in it.

"Oh Akira!" It was Isshiki.

I could almost shut the door right in his face.

This guy. Too joyous, and with how he never used a formality name with me! Annoying.

I let him in without responding to him. He looked lazy today, he had on this sweat suit that was bright yellow.

He looked like a giant banana.

I was trying not to snicker, but it was so hard. Why was it that aside form his school uniform (which he'd worn here yesterday), or being practically butt naked, all his clothing was ugly?

"I need your help!" He went on to me explaining that he was having huge issues translating Farsi on the wedding scripts.

I didn't really want to help him, as reading all those things would just remind me of Jun, my sun. But the way she was dressed right now, it was like she was more the night than I was.

Jun stood up at the sound. A small bow. "Isshiki-Kun."

He froze.

I watched him visibly halt and audibly his voice just suddenly cut off.

My green eyes shot between the two. Back and forth they were having some sort of 'moment'. Different looks of realization on both of them, and for reasons didn't understand.

'Damn It!' I don't mind that he's her friend, but what is this? It was like he knew something I didn't the way he was looking at her!

Then it popped out of the senior's mouth, and it left me crossing my arms. Standing in a confident pose, shoulders reeled back, feet firmly planted. I was not happy.

"Back to the old days huh?!" He happily popped out.

"Wha... uh." She got red.

"What?" I said flat. Old days? I knew Jun was a Totsuki graduate, she had gotten good grades. What if that part of her life did Isshiki know about? It was obvious he knew more about it than I did.

There was so much I didn't know about her.

What in the world was this? I wanted and needed this information. I craved everything she is.

Isshiki put a hand on my shoulder and shook me a bit trying to loosen me up. "Oh, she never told you!"

"Isshiki-Kun!"

(She wanted to be the one to tell Hayama not him! This was her responsibility! She should of told him sooner. Had she not decided to pull out some old clothing and dress like the way she used to, Isshiki wouldn't of opened his mouth! She should of figured! The brunette could never be quiet about what he sees right in front of him!)

(This however, was not true entirely, as Isshiki had deduced full well that Akira had a crush on her. And that he was keeping quiet about; sure he'd questioned Jun in her drunk state in a round-about-way; he'd gotten out of it what he wanted, and that was her response to certain 'things' about Hayama. Jun had no idea how Akira felt. Clueless perhaps, probably completely ruling it out. And he was going to be faux 'marrying' these two? Jun had signed onto something he realized now that might effect Akira in a very strong way.)

"Ah. Okay." Isshiki held up a peace symbol. He got it. She wanted to be the person to speak on it.

I crunched my nose in at the senior. He slammed down on the couch, and Jun came to sit in a chair, unscrewing the cap on the bottle labeled 'Turmeric' that she had planned as the evening drink for research.

She took a shot.

I could tell this was not happening right now, but I wanted it to happen right now.

I deserved to know damn it!

"Tell me." I did not budge. I was putting her on spot, I didn't care. Wait wrong, I did care, I cared so much, I just didn't like secrets. I like discovering things about her. I thought we were equals; this was a development that brunette would know something I didn't.

I didn't think that be possible. I knew everything about Jun, my research partner.

But yet again, with how she'd acted last night, getting so drunk that she'd run off into the forest somewhere?

There were things I didn't know, but I still didn't expect Isshiki to know them and not me.

I thought I was the one that was the closest to her. It fizzled me that maybe there was something that she was keeping from me about herself, more than just this crazy childlike attitude which came on her, which I absolutely fucking adored.

"Uh..." She wiped her mouth. She took another, the stress written all over her face.

She shot up, glared at me. Her deep brown eyes under those dark brown bangs looked surprisingly menancing; it put me on edge.

It was the same bulldoggish look she would occasionally dawn, but there was something else present in those eyes.

It wasn't just a bulldog, it was a wolf.

(Isshiki sat there quiet watching the tension between them. It was thick. Would she? He'd seen pictures of her at Polar Star in their dorm mom's photo albums. Polar Star used to be the most popular dorm on campus. A lot of Ten members were bred from Polar Star, including Jun. Their dorm mom said one time that Jun requested it be buried. That everything about her being on The Ten Be covered. He had no idea why. Back when he told her knew about it to, it had brought a huge flush to her face, but she let it slide, not saying much about it at all either. He just wondered, why all the secrets?)

I watched her take another shot, turn and walk up the stairs to her room.

My eyes went to Isshiki who had a stupid smile on his face. He didn't know something I didn't know! He wouldn't have that look colored all over him if he didn't!

It wasn't long before Jun came back down, carrying something large and rectangular in her hands in front of her, it was wrapped up in a bath towel, One I'd never seen before, it was a purple.

The towels here at the facility were ivory.

She plunked down in the chair, she ran hands over her face, breathing, trying to steady herself.

(Jun was having a panic attack. This was it. She knew she shouldn't of dressed in some of her old clothes. The senior couldn't keep his mouth shut! She didn't want it coming out this soon, to save Hayama-Kun the knowledge, but she had been thinking on this earlier. Maybe she should just tell him.)

"I used to be different."

"Nah, you're the same!" Isshiki chidded.

I growled. That question wasn't directed at him!

He'd cut me off before I was even able to answer.

That caused her to look over there at the brunette who was laughing. The side profile of her face looked stricken at his words.

This was meant for my knowledge. She was sharing this with me. I wanted those brown eyes into mine. I wanted her to tell me to my face.

I deserved the truth.

Instantly, wanted to be aside her. This was serious.

"What's going on?" I said softer, trying to get her to look at me instead. Again with this guy around, I kept feeling that I wanted to be the dominant one. The domineering one clutched her in and stole all her glances.

I came over to the coffee table where the large rectangular item was wrapped up, and sat as close to her as possible on the floor, as there was no other chair on this side.

So curious.

Jun nodded at Isshiki's comment, as if accepting something that she honestly knew to be true.

I desired this woman, every aspect of her.

She sighed and moving her jaw around, she stretched her hands out over the object with a breath. Looking to Isshiki for approval.

He nodded, shrugged.

I watched him. Peculiar. Why'd she need his approval?

(Isshiki was surprised. She hadn't said anything to Hayama? He wondered why? Well, if she was going to show him, he might as well too. He took his wallet out of his jeans pocket and began flipping through it. Through the photos. He had a lot in there, one of her too that the Polar Star dorm mom let him keep, and had sworn him not to show anyone.)

I watched her fingers tensely, and cautiously began to peel the towel up, laying it down, the way it was folded around the object was pristine, as if whatever it was had been packed away with care and much consideration.

Soon it came down to a bare jet back leather hard case.

She looked at me, and I wanted to reach a hand up and put it on that trembling face, the lip quivering the eyes getting wet.

Instead, I looked over at Isshiki, and back at her, and I did the only thing I knew how without alerting the man over there that I cared about this woman as deeply as I did.

I would not have another profit from my feeling of her. I would not let them make out my feelings of her as my weakness. They were not my weakness, my love of her strengthened me and made me stand.

I scooted to her left side, wrapped a hand around her ankle, and unfortunately, instinctually, my chin landed on her knee.

'Shit.' It was a habit. I always put my chin on her head, I was used to the solid piece of her under my jaw.

I watched Isshiki's eyes get a bit bigger. 'Oh yeh.' I knew how he was taking it.

I give up.

My eyes narrowed at him.

Protectively.

I felt her scoop a swoop of hair behind my left ear. It felt so smooth those fingertips.

(Jun's inner feelings were so deep. She was worried, but when Hayama put his chin on her knee, a hand on her ankle, it reminded her of his innocence. He'd be there no matter what. She truly knew that.)

I looked up into her eyes and she looked into mine, it was like this morning when she was having thoughts that I couldn't place.

"Have a drink with me." She spoke.

(She didn't want to push the 'drinking' on him not support that he battled with position in doing this research with her, but she was earnestly shaking, and needed something to calm her.)

I nodded. She was only looking at me now. I was trapped in her stare.

(Isshiki perhaps was wrong. He knew something was 'there' for sure for Jun. She was suppressing it. It was obvious for as much of an ass as Hayama was to people, that he literally melted in her presence. She was the best part of his world. 'Damn it.' He had to... he had to, somehow get them together. No matter the age. He knew how, he had a loophole. He wanted to make it better. He wasn't a bad guy here.)

We took one together. I coughed. Isshiki chuckled, and I ignored him.

"Promise me you won't walk out." Jun said.

Like I had some sort of need to. Why would I do that? Because she knew I'd get overcome with emotion; she was referring to when I walked out on the notion that Isshiki needed someone to practice the Indian weddings with.

When it was painful on my heart.

How I know it will send pangs of emotion through me, fake marrying the woman I felt desire for.

But, what are we doing now?

My love for her, it could not be contained. Bottled. I tried to keep it under wraps, but I was having issues.

Lately together, we'd been so emotional with each other.

She was letting me touch her more, and not complaining.

It was like a volcano. The lava was slowly awakening.

I could not complain.

I wanted this.

But it was happening in front of another person.

I'm not sure how much I felt about that. Isshiki was trustable according to Jun, but what about with this knowledge? That we were this close to each other?

He didn't know how much. I was just assuming; over-thinking it.

He had no idea. What'd he know?

Nothing. He knew nothing.

"I won't."

She snapped the case open, she stood, my chin coming off her knee, and upon opening it, she started taking things out.

Standing in a posture I'd never seen before, it was how I was standing earlier.

Confident.

She took a long thin hand towel out of the case. It was a charcoal gray long chef towel. She lifted her bangs and tied it around her forehead, letting her bangs fall over it, long peices on the sides even. She left the back of her hair fall over the knot. The bottoms of the towel were hanging below her hair length, nearly down to her ankles.

It reminded me of how long Ryo's bandanna was.

She pulled out a jacket and put it on. Jet black, short sleeved, she zipped it up, it was a chef vest.

She took some charcoal and wiped it across her eyes, a giant smudge all the way across her, it completely darkened the upper part of her face, making her already deep eyes look like pits.

The woman in front of me was transformed into a beast.

She looked down at me as she turned the box.

Knives.

Jun picked one up, it was a long chopping knife and she turned it in the last of the afternoon light, she put a pad of her finger on the tip.

"Not sharp." That was her only response. She poured a shot and took it.

Something tapped me on the shoulder. It was Isshiki from across the top of the table.

He handed me a photo. Aghast I was.

It was Jun! And a group of Ten people.

"Wha... Jun?"

"Don'call me Jun." She muttered, pointing the tip of the knife my direction just to make a point. Then went back to touching its edge.

"Shiomi Akuma right?" Isshiki mumbled.

"Right." She said.

Devil? My Jun was a devil?

Isshiki began to talk. "Jun was 4th seat on The Ten."

I watched the woman before me, suddenly obsessed with the dullness of the the knife, and not anything else, reach down and on instinct grab the metal sharpener. And began sharpening it on the rod in front of me standing, the knife striking to the right.

It was so fast it kept creating a bit of a spark.

This was not the Jun I knew!

"I was a Polar Star member." She said. "I lived there my entire time at Totsuki as a student."

"The dorm mom said you became known as Shiomi Akuma because of your skill."

"Yes." Jun she turned to me as Isshiki said those words.

I was speechless.

"Hayama-Kun. Don't run." She stood resolute. "But I kept it from you for a reason."

I could tell she was sorry.

I was too shocked to say anything important. Babbles. "This..." I mumbled. My stomach in knots. "I..."

"I didn't say anything because of what it meant for me." She sighed. "Who I was becoming. There's more to it. I can go into it, but I'm not happy that Azami is I charge now. That's all I have to say."

"What? What about him?" I wanted to know. Now this had to do with me. I was on The Ten, his 'Central.' And Jun did not like him.

Well, hell. Join the club. Nobody liked him. The other Ten members seemed to, but as far as the one revolting, he was a stick in the mud, a complete ass.

I was along with them, but playing a game until he'd get somehow kicked or something. I figured I'd just be freed once I graduated.

But things were getting worse. Students were getting expelled right and left, and the tyranny was getting hard to manage.

She sat down, she poured me a drink, I took it gladly, gladly.

She did gladly as well.

"I'm going to start cooking." Isshiki stood smiling like usual and walked out of the living room area.

(He didn't have to know what Jun would say to Akira, but he could assume why she didn't like him. The director was a dirt bag, wanting all chefs coming out of Totsuki to be cookie cutters. Identical in skill. Plus, Hayama had given him the stink eye. He'd let the man and the woman talk. He honestly did love the drama between these too though, and already was keen on silently listening in as much as much as he could from the kitchen without their knowledge.)

The knife set she had is something I never would of expected a woman to own, the handles had octopuses on them, and they were bright silver.

She sat the knife she'd just sharpened and the sharpener back in the case in front of me with those fine, smooth fingers of hers.

"He was Polar Star." She slumped down on the floor next to me where I was, her knees up. "Like me. Like Jaichiro-Senpai."

Her presence sent chills all through me.

She was already lit up on the Turmeric liquor.

Something she was going to say to me wasn't going to be good, I could tell. How that bugged me. I knew her faces.

I wanted to be there. So, I took three more shots, grimacing at each one. The Turmeric liquor was not a tasty as the one yesterday night.

I had to calm down. This was going to be about the director, who I 'worked for' now.

I was fuzzy suddenly, this one must be more potent.

"What'z th'deal?" I mumbled. Ah, my voice was not right anymore. I whispered it.

Neither was hers. "He'z'a dick."

I could smell food in the background being stirred and simmered.

"How?" I wanted to know this history. I wrapped a hand all the way around her leg, under his knee, and she shivered at it.

"Haya... ma." She laid her head on the coffee table her bangs fell.

What was I doing? My hand I couldn't stop from reaching out. She's going to tell me to back off. I just know it.

"I don't'like'him."

What? She didn't ask me to pull my hand back?

Do I dare then?

I did. I rubbed a thumb across the side of her knee.

She shot me an open mouthed look.

Improper words came out of my lips as I laid my head on the table the same, facing her face. "He hurt'you?"

"Mhm." She nodded, tears coming to her eyes.

Rage.

My whole face was red. That son of a bitch!

And now he was back!

And in charge!

And I worked for him! Was tangled in a mess with Central, his puppets!

I couldn't just go knock his face in either!

He was my superior, and if I did, I'd be expelled, Shiomi Research would be shut down.

Do I even ask?!

I balled a fist and smacked it on the coffee table above our drunk heads.

"Don't Ha... ya... ma."

(Jun was instantly on alert. He was getting angry! The liquor was making him angry! And in combination with what she was saying? 'Oh no!' This shouldn't of happened. Not today not anytime soon! She could apologize profusely but that wouldn't take away what was already said and laid out.)

I did dare. But not before letting go of her leg, taking my index finger and moving her chin upwards a bit for her attention, while her head was drunkenly laying on the coffee table with mine.

She froze.

I whispered it out. "What'd'he'do?"

"He... I... uh..." She got anxious.

I blinked. That bad? I was seething, but I knew I had to play this calm. It wasn't 'playing' calm, but I had to 'be' calm. If I wanted it out of her, I had to somehow with my actions caress her.

I had to be bold.

"Shh." I closed my eyes. I moved in. I could feel my body waving from the alcohol. I wouldn't do it, I wouldn't let my lips fall on hers, but I needed to let her know that I was here for her no matter the information conveyed.

(Jun was stunned, eyes wide as he'd closed his, and that fingertip left her chin and his whole palm moved to sit on the right side of her face. She gulped and closed her eyes. What was this suddenly!)

"It's okay." I mumbled, even though my heart was racing out of my chest. "I'jus'want y'to know no matter what, I'm here."

(So that was it! Jun's eyes shot open again. She could taste his breath, they were that close. Turmeric! He had no idea how close he was!)

(But he did know how close he was. It was intentional.)

"I know." I heard her say.

I had to swallow my pride. Like the sun that she was, even though completely different in attire, she was still a sun to me.

A hidden one under a veil of black.

She rose these feelings in me that made me want to protect her from all evil.

"Tell'me only if'y'want." I said. "I won't force you."

I felt her sit up and I opened my eyes at it.

Her body suddenly launched it's arms all the way around my back and she grasped onto me tight!

I jolted!

A hug?!

Was she?

She was!

She was hugging me on her own!

This!

I had wanted this for so long.

I sat up, pulling my head off the table and wrapped my arms equally, if not more around her, letting my face and nose fall into the blood orange scented hair. I could smell rosemary as well. 'Mmm.' It was a lotion she had. 'So good.'

As she whimpered, a few tears coming out, I let her cry equally into my white hair. I took it out of its ponytail so she could have a place to mourn and feel safe.

I teared up some as well.

I couldn't stand this. Azami has hurt her this much?

Damn that bastard!

Our hair was all mixed together.

(Isshiki from the kitchen heard someone crying and knowing it was Jun Senpai, he walked out and peered around the corner, catching them in the 'act' of hugging. It brought him some happiness to see it! Akira's hands... one of them was low. Like at the tournament a year ago, but... much lower, a thumb resting on her belt loop, a few of them acting like they wanted to go up under her shirt a bit along the bottom edge. It was passion. An unspoken passion that he was seeing and he felt that he was intruding on in this moment so he stepped back away and began cooking again.)

(Jun was considering doing something that she really shouldn't. That she really really shouldn't, because this would open up a whole can of worms probably. But no other person had been this sensitive to her about this. She hadn't really been this open with anyone about these things except the dorm mom at Polar Star who knew everything. She feared what it would do if it this word got out about her as a researcher, as a patron of Totsuki, as a past member of The Ten. But. Jun reached. Knowing she shouldn't. Inside Hayama's hair, smelling like her shampoo, the hair of the, 'yes', the man, that was treating her so gently, she placed a chaste kiss on his right cheek.)

I felt something.

On my cheek. A nuzzle. A tap of a... nose?

My bottom lip fell open.

I felt wetness, it lingered just a bit.

I leaned into it.

A kiss.

Racing. My chest.

I hugged her closer.

I couldn't. I couldn't!

She didn't want it. She wouldn't accept it, if I did? Would she?

(Jun felt his heart beating fast in thier hug. Hers was too, but it was because she was so overcome with emotion of having someone be tense towards her. She'd never had any person be like that, not even her own family, except her grandmother. So not for a long time. She only wanted to just thank him for being there, but she was worried she'd done something horrible.)

I cautiously moved my cheek aside her cheek, and just held her, but I...

I did it.

Slowly I turned my face slightly under her hair, my whole face numb in this moment, and let my lips fall on her face in return.

She didn't move away!

My god her skin was so soft.

It shivered me.

I whispered into her ear. A breath. "Nothin'will'happen t'you without my say'zo."

"How y'kno? Mn? He'd got t'much power."

We were being sweet on each other.

This was seriously aching me. I wanted to do so much more with her.

She at least knew my form was a man's, but she didn't know that how felt was adult as well. I didn't think of her as anything except the only potential mate I wanted to have.

A life partner.

And no other person I'd met, stacked up to her in any sort of way to me.

And now with this new uncovered persona that she had been the whole time, Shiomi Akuma, a great chef who'd sat in the 4th chair's throne?

It was not possible. No other female would ever replace her in my mind.

No other woman had I as much in common with.

No other gained my attention so, kept me perplexed and wanting.

I smelled her hair, my mind blown away.

She kissed me. On the cheek, but it was still... affection. I was overloaded.

Please give me all the affection that you can give.

I will take it all, foster it, and cherish it. I would never treat you bad, I would never break your heart. I would remain loyal, just as I had all these years anyway.

Loyal to you. And only to you. I couldn't even touch myself. I didn't want to. I wanted my body to remain in a pure state for you.

I didn't care if your past was smudged up. That was fine. People make mistakes, things happen, negative emotions and feelings can hurt, but if I could help it at all, I wanted to be the one.

I would come in on my horse, and I would pick you up, for as stained as you might be, you are 'perfectly flawed' in my eyes.

Like this Japanese culture does with broke pottery, mending the cracks back together with gold, so I view you.

It adds more character. It makes you more real. More precious.

I didn't want a princess.

I didn't want to be a knight in shining armor.

Just a man, on a horse, stopping on the animal, to smirk down and wave at a woman I knew walking along a path, who'd I'd been in love with for the longest while, who had a faulty past, but was doing the best she could. Who'd I'd even sacrificed for because of her resilience.

And all I wished was for her to grasp my palm, so I could hoist her up to sit behind me, so I could take her into town, just so she no longer would have to walk.

Us both just simple peasants.

She began to whisper. "He lied t'me."

"Figures." I whispered into her ear, as she was letting me remain this close. Yet again, I wanted to nip at it. I wanted to let my hot tongue out of my mouth and trace the edge.

"He'd had a'baby." She'd said. "So had Jaichiro."

"Erina an'Soma." I said. I was doing math, my eyes jolting around iny closed lids. So, Soma and Erina were both born very early; both men then, got girls pregnant when they were 15.

I nodded. "Jaichiro was open w'us 'bout it, but hid'it from'th'world until he graduated. Not Azami. Nobody knew at'all."

She reeled back, and poured two shots.

We both took them together.

I didn't want to be out of her hair, but at least I had a hand still on her lower side. She wasn't pulling away that easy.

I smirked into second one she poured us.

"It hit me'esp... especially'hard."

"Why?" Why'd that matter to her? The new director of Totsuki that was once senior when she was an undergrad, had made a mistake. He didn't get it.

"Don'look at'me different."

"I'm confused."

"I kno'y'are. Uh'this'alchl." Her head bobbed down.

Woah. I was loosing her pretty quick again now. But so was I. My whole body was a heated mess.

"He an'I dated." She mumbled.

"Wha?" My mouth blurted, my eyes shot open.

How.

How?

What?

(Jun was bobbing her head around, tears coming out again. 'Uh oh.' She instantly knew she probably shouldn't of told him. He was too protective of her.)

"An'he was lyin'by'jus'not sayin'anythin' 'bout Erina."

"Yeh."

I got it now. He wanted to date Jun, but he'd had a child with another woman already. But that wasn't all, oh no. I knew better than that.

I was mad.

Livid.

"He'told y'what t'do, didn't he?" I slammed another shot down my throat. "Fuck."

"Hayama-Kun!" She babbled.

"I'm expressin'myself. Le'it'go."

"An'why's tht?" Shocked he was being bossy! But not shocked. Always bossy!

I squeezed her at her waist. She wanted to know? Then I'd tell her. I was drunk again anyways and so was she. "Cuz'I care!" I couldn't say the word love.

She smiled.

And instantly I resolved back to being quiet. I had gotten a bit loud.

It wasn't meant to yell at her. Our 'fights' wrent even fights as much as they were us picking on each other.

I was surprised when she actually reached out and grabbed my hand and squeezed it.

"Interrupting something! Sorry!" Isshiki came in with three plates of the same dish.

I mentally could scream! The worst timing I swear!

Visible anguish on my face.

(Isshiki seen them sitting close, but they were further apart now than what they'd been about ten minutes ago. This was the best entrance time he'd get!)

But, as he sat the plates on the coffee table, Jun mumbling a thank you, me caught up still that he'd ruined a moment with her there, I failed to notice that she hadn't let go of my right hand.

It wasn't until a few minutes later when I was getting ready to grab the fork with my, as the other two were already eating and commenting, and I had just been smelling the spices as Isshiki was once again mumbling them off to me, that I couldn't.

I looked down.

Drunkenly probably, fingers not laced, but she was holding my hand.

Surely Isshiki was seeing this?

Later on came quick, and Isshiki was leaving, Jun on the couch laying around, now with an black jacket on as well. An old one she used to wear she said.

"Hey." Isshiki sort of pushed me up against the threshold at the exit to the facility.

"What?" I mumbled low. I just wanted to get back to 'my' woman in there.

"Between us. Okay?" The brunette mumbled right back to me.

"Wh's this'bout?" I said words awful and screwed up.

"You like her, don't you?" His eyes flashed at me.

Do I dare admit it?

(Isshiki felt like he could be more straight with Hayama, unlike what he could be with Jun, and the reason for that was because he was aware that Akira was completely aware of his feelings for her, unlike Jun who was lost in her world of what society probably would think of it.)

"Whatever." I shrugged.

"Stop." He gave me a little push, my back into the wall.

Did he want to fight? I would punch him in he face!

"I know okay? Call it 'guy to guy' intuition."

He let go of me, seeing anger coming to my brow. That surprised me though, that he let go. And he knew? What? Surely with me putting my chin on her knee. How could he know I guess.

"I'm not saying anything to anyone. Okay?"

I nodded.

"She's not dated anyone since that creep. I overheard. I'm sorry okay?"

"Fine." I waved it off. He was getting chummy with me. "How'y'know that?"

"Dorm mom talks about her. Shiomi Senpai still calls on the phone, but never visits Polar Star. Bad memories. Her and our dorm mom go out to lunch sometimes."

"So?" I continued. I was interested but I wanted to hear what else he had to say. Normally I wouldn't care, but it was about Jun, therefore I had to know.

"I'm happy you like her." He swallowed. "Alright?"

"You... you are?" I was? Stricken. Really? He was supportive of that? And he knew. He could tell. Somehow inside me I knew he knew. I tried to sit here and tell myself he didn't, but damn it, he did.

"I just want to tell you something really quick before I leave."

My eyes were into his aqua ones.

"I like love. That's why I chose to be a pastor. I can tell when two people are meant for one another."

"Selfish." I bantered.

He smacked my arm. He lightly chuckled. "So are you, but it's fine." He then grabbed onto me shoulders, and turned me to face him more. "Listen."

I was all ears.

"You do a lot for her. You give up so much. That's how I know it's good."

I watched him swallow. He looked somehow... tense.

"Ask her to marry you."

"What? Are y'fuckin'serious?" I wanted to push him off me but my arms wouldn't move.

"You're a Japanese citizen now, but by Indian law, even if you become a citizen of another country, you still remain an Indian citizen as well." He bantered on. "And that means that Indian still apply to you."

Silence. I couldn't open my mouth.

"Indian society is different than here. Indian citizens can be married at an earlier age than the Japanese."

"So?"

"If you asked her to marry you, it would be valid and possible."

"You're'jus'sayin'this shit t'spur me on." I pushed him a bit.

"You're in love with her. That's why you're rejecting my words so hard."

"I..." My eyes rose to meet his.

He let go. "You don't have to say anything, but I did want to at least want to you that. I do want to see her happy. I think you are that person. She changes you too, you know that though... I think." He put a finger to his lip.

(This was the loophole he wanted to tell Hayama about. It was one that would save his feelings. That would make the marriage valid. By being truthful, and actually asking for her hand.)

"Goodnight an'go home Isshiki. Right now, she'won even'call me'by my firs'name."

"I know." The brunette bantered. "Keep working on it she will."

"When? Once'she fuckin'sees me'f'me? As a man?"

"She does."

"How, y'kno?"

"She'd stared at you half naked yesterday in the living area, or did you miss that?"

"No I didnt."

"If not mistaken, you probably did that on purpose. Did you feel threatened by me or what?"

My jaw set square.

"Ah." He got it. "You don't have to worry about that."

"Hn." I crossed my arms.

"I have a girlfriend alright?"

What? Who the hell would date this guy? He was half naked all the time and weird!

"Just think about what I said. Don't force it. Okay?"

He smacked me on the shoulder.

And opened the door walking out.

But my drunk self followed him out to his moped.

I felt closer to him. "What do I'do?" My arms out to my sides. "I love her. I've always been n'love with her. And only her. I can't even think of'anyone else." A finger went to my head as a visual reference.

He whipped out hushedly to me. "Got your phone?"

"Yeh." I pulled it out, handed.

"My number." He typed it in, handed it back. "I get why your the 9th seat. I won't say shit about it to anyone. My loyalty it to Jun, and if your loyal to hers then I'm loyal to you too." He swallowed, whispering. "I despise the new director. I hate him. He tells students who have an immense creative talent that they're wrong. He's the one that's wrong and screwed up Akira."

"I kno." I put my phone in my pocket.

"Us at Polar Star are trying to fight for that freedom back. Soma, Megumi, all of us. Ryo and Alice. Erina, who I'm sure you've noticed is not at the mansion anymore. That's because she's with us hiding at Polar Star. It's the safest place. Just let that sink in, that Azami's own daughter is scared shitless of him, that she ran away with her cousin and her aide, and they are all hiding out at our dorm."

"An'Jun dated him."

"Yeh. You see the depth of what I mean now. She dated him while he had graduated and she was still in high school at Totsuki. Be soft with her. He probably did the same type of things to her that he did with Erina."

"Okay."

"Look, are you with us? Are you with us for Jun? Because I know you don't a shit about yourself when it comes to her."

"Yeh. I'm with you."

"Alright." Isshiki snapped a helmet on. "I'm sorry I overheard that, but I you've got to imagine what's going on in her head right now with Azami being in charge. That he's back. That he's here and that you, someone she cares about, works for him."

"D'you want me'to ask her t'marry me?"

"I do. It'll protect her from him. And it'll make you two happy. I think."

I smiled.

"I'll see you guys okay?"

I nodded.

My perspective on this person has changed entirely. I just watched him drive away, going inside the building.

He wants to me be with her.

I want to be with her.

I viewed her as mine already.

How my heart swelled that this could be real.

It was real for me already, but to have the title, her to take my name. He was right that would protect her. It was make her mine even more so, and if he did anything...

I got it.

I got it.

Isshiki didn't say it.

But I deduced it.

If I was her husband, by law of India I would have the right to beat his ass if he touched her.

Meaning I was one of the people that could get into a physical fight with him and not be jailed.

How bad were things getting?

Pretty bad.

Pretty damn bad.


	14. Chapter 14

14 (Jun's POV)

Everything felt so good right now.

Again I knew I had drank too far over what I needed, but I felt real.

'Real.' Truthful. I was Shiomi Akuma. A devil in the kitchen.

Because with the food I made I could play on emotion, using spices, as if a demon in disguise.

From my appearance, a short, curvy dark brown haired girl, no one would of guessed I'd studied so much to hone my craft down to a science.

That I'd studied the science behind the spices I ground in my pestle and mortar in highscool, alone in my room.

Until I walked up on the stage in my dark clothing.

I had wanted people to take me seriously, not to laugh at me for being a glasses-wearing four-eyed nerd who locked herself up in her room to read, and so, when I wanted all the others around me to understand that I, that Me, Shiomi Jun was indeed a cook?

And it just a cook.

A chef.

A top of the line master.

I changed.

My clothing turned all black, I packed away my favorite 'SPICE' shirt, and I bought knives that meant something to me.

Like the kraken displayed on the handles, I was that aquatic wonder.

Rising from the depths of peoples laughs, their make funs, to stand and whip people in the ground like in the dead of night, like a nightmare I grasped their emotions with my silver plates and sank their ships.

With Azami at my side, (at the time, I thought nothing on him except that he was trying to help me, an undergrad become great as he was my boyfriend, being helpful).

But then.

He asked me to do something as a chef.

And I did.

Only to realize later that I shouldn't have.

That was what pulled me from it.

Yanked me to the other side of the fence.

I began to see Azami different.

He was toying with me, with young Shiomi Akuma, using me for his desires.

Ironic.

How my food pulled emotion, but with manipulative nature how, oh how he was playing with mine just as much in return.

Finding out he'd had a child in secret? Erina?

Now that was just the icing on the fucking cake.

"I've g'no ill-will t'wards her." I mumbled hearing a door shut. Locks being closed.

I was laying on the couch in my old cooking clothes.

I was Shiomi Akuma.

I had always been.

Isshiki was right.

And here I was exposed.

I felt a touch, a soft hand on a cheek.

I opened my eyes barely. I was so drunk, I couldn't move.

I had resolved to drinking after realizing what I'd done, what Azami had been making me do, how I was being used.

This reminded me of then.

Except.

This was not Azami's warm palm on my face.

Azami's hands were always cold to the touch, even after he'd been cooking and he'd washed them in steaming hot water.

Cold like cold heart that he'd always possessed.

This softness.

"H... ya...?"

"Yea."

I could see nothing but darkness.

He'd turned out all the lights.

That was fine.

It was late.

"Jun." Whisper.

"D'n ca... me..." I felt a finger go over my lip stopping me from speaking what I could, which wasn't much.

"Shh." He hushed.

So soothing he was being to me right now. Especially after what I'd said.

I think. I think I was touching his hand? While eating?

I couldn't of been. But I think. Maybe I was.

I'd hugged him. How could I not after how he'd acted towards that information?

He took it in. He let it mull. But he responded kind.

Kind kind Akira.

"It'z late."

I realized he was sitting on the floor by me.

I was too dazed.

I felt wetness on my cheek.

A light wet.

Arms wrapped under me and hoisted.

Like a doll I was in shambles in his grip.

I got sat down. Soft.

I felt a zips.

My short sleeved chef jacket and leather jacket. Gone.

Cold. I shivered in just my shirt and jeans.

(Akira folded the uniform she had neat and put it on his dresser. He'd brought her to his room, not feeling confident he could make it up the stairs tonight with her in tow, so he'd brought her to his bedroom. He would gladly open his sleeping space to her, his mind filled with nothing but Isshiki's words.)

I felt a warm, damp towel on my face.

"Le'me clean th'makeup off."

I nodded, I could barely stay upright and he kept having to anchor me to steady my form.

The towel was gentle, I heard it getting rung out into a bowl. A gentle soapy mix.

Hayama-Kun was passively cleaning me up.

(Akira was gaining so much pleasure from washing her face that he kept having thoughts of how he wished he could have a bath with her. A very personal one on one, private bath. He couldn't take advantage of her though. He couldn't. He wouldn't be Azami Nakiri. He was better. A rightful mate for her, and only for her. They were the best pair. Akira fizzled unable to wait to taste 'his' woman's food.)

He was done.

Now to get her into something more comfortable to sleep in.

It was nice Hayama brought me to my room once again. I was ready for sleep.

My eyes wouldn't even open at all now.

Wait. Was he digging through my dresser?

I heard a noise that sounded like a drawer opening.

Soon a piece of clothing came into my lap.

"Here."

"Waz...?"

"It'z a'huge tee."

"Ah." So he pulled out one of my large baggy sleep shirts. Good. I liked these.

(Really Hayama pulled out of his dresser one of his shirts. It was a soft v neck he liked. A lot of his clothing was v neck. He couldn't help but want what he wanted. And what he wanted was to see her in his clothes. So it was perfect that he'd decided to not take her up the stairs, due to being worried he'd slip with her in his arms due to being drunk himself.)

"Y'leave. K?" I said. This wouldn't be like last time.

"No. Y'worse this time. Bu'I'll turn 'round." He did.

With eyes unable to open, I rummaged in my lap sloppily. Where the hell was the collar?

'Oh.' Found it.

I wouldn't wrench my shirt up as hard this time. I wouldn't trap it on my hair.

'Slow.' I kept telling myself. 'Slow.'

So I did. And I'm not sure how much time passed, but I got the other shirt on. It was huge I could tell.

(Hayama didn't peek, but was hot in the face.)

"K."

I fell back on the bed. Arms above my head.

I felt a hand press down the mattress by my head, causing my face to lull that direction.

"Take y'jeans off."

"Ha... ya... wha?"

"They're uncom'f'able." He swallowed. "Shirts big'nuff."

My hands went down. Clumsy.

I couldn't get the snap loose.

I struggled.

"I'can help."

"Nah." No no no! He didn't need to do that! My hands willl start working here soon. He was! Where was he even!

Was he over me?

(Akira did anyway, aside her protest. Trembling, his hand fell on the snap and unlatched it, with two fingers he delicately grabbed the little zipper and smoothly glided the tab down. Then he, trying to be not soft and gentle, and not seductive, put his fingers under the jeans waistline and rugged down. For him this was a tease. She earnestly needed them off to be comfortable, but the truth that he was undressing a portion of her set him a fire.)

I felt the jeans glide off me.

So inappropriate this was.

But I was helpless. Stupidly helpless.

I trusted him so much.

How was it that we were this way? That we could be this way?

I already felt myself falling asleep.

(He pulled them off her and what was left that he was looking at were cute little black panties. Instantly his tongue swirled behind his lips, eyes set dead on where they shouldn't be. He approached. His lids closing. His mouth wet. Just a kiss. One. There. No! He yanked his head back. Pulling down the shirt instead to cover her. He couldn't damn it! He put a hand to his cheek and smacked himself.)

I heard something.

I didn't know what it was, but soon I felt arms around me again, tucking me into soft covers. It felt so good.

The bed moved down on the other side.

He was sitting.

(Hayama was not sitting. He took his shirt off over his head, and took his jeans off, to pull on a pair of overly comfortable pajama bottoms. And he slowly, once hearing her breath calm, climbed into bed as easy as a cat and laid aside her. His eyes open looking at her deep silhouette in the darkness. How nice this was. He dared. He dared himself so hard to be in the same bed with her. And the results were astounding.)

"Ha...ya... y'here?" I was senseless now.

"Yea."

Whispers in the dark.

"Wher... ere?"

(He took that as a way to touch her. Hayama pushed himself to caress.aybe if he showed more affection she'd get how he felt.)

I felt a warm hand go on my right side to rest.

"Ah." I blubbed.

"Jun."

"Don...t." A finger on my lips.

I felt a scoot.

Close. He was close.

"If'you'left Totsuki, would y'let me come'with you?"

"Y'alwa... ways." I swallowed. Why would he ask that? "make y'own dec... cisions." Is never leave Totsuki unless I was forced to.

(Akira wanted to speak out his feelings to her a bit. Just to nudge it along.)

"I'll follow you no'matter where y'go." He licked his lips. Drunk.

"I thin... think. I know." I mumbled to him.

I felt a sheet being pulled over my head.

The hand spread it's fingers on my side. I couldn't move, but it was gentle and that was all I cared about at the moment.

(Hayama's heart was beating out of his chest. She knows that he'd never leave her side! Always fight for her! Somehow this made him feel grand. He knew she recognized him as a guard, a shield, maybe even a follower of her. Not a cult 'follower' but someone so similar to her that he didn't feel he belonged anywhere else, and that she knew that.)

"Th'makes me happy."

"Hm?" What makes him happy? I wasn't understanding this conversation. I felt my head falling into blackness.

"You."


End file.
